Forgiving a cheater can be real bliss
Many people, throughout the world, have felt the sense of being cheated in different forms. However, the most disheartening of all is when you are cheated by your husband or boyfriend. Yes, it is an extremely saddening situation when one finds out that the husband has been cheating. Your entire world is shattered in minutes, and depression may engulf you. Trust is the basic foundation of a relationship, but when it crumbles, it gets hard to continue with the relationship. In those moments of pain, you get doubtful whether to carry on with the marriage, or to detach and move on in life. Whatever the decision might be, know that it's best to forgive, not only for your husband, but also for yourself. Let's move ahead to understand the different aspects with more clarity.
1. Forgive only if the husband admits to cheating
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You have a gut feeling that he is cheating on you, and in support of that, you have also found some texts on his phone, where some other lady has been showering her love and lust upon him. You are waiting to catch him red-handed, but all of a sudden, your husband realizes his wrong-doing and confesses with you all his misdeeds. He is emotionally more chaotic than you and very worried about which decisions you'll take. What should you do?Should you forgive him? I suppose, yes! The fact that he is feeling guilty, means that he is very sorry for everything. This could have happened differently, you would have caught him red-handed. He would have then asked for your forgiveness. In that position, he might only show fake guilt as you found out that he is a cheat. He would be sorry just because you discovered truth, not because he is actually guilty. So a cheater must have a strong sense of regret before you consider to forgive him. Above all, he should not be blaming you, and he should take complete responsibility of his misconducts. This could be considered at least once to give your relationship a second chance, and only if the person has learned a lesson and is sure about not repeating it.
2.Acceptance, analyzing the cheating history of your husband, and forgiving
After discovering the harsh and pangful truth that your husband has been cheating on you, another difficult thing for a wife is to accept the situation precisely as it is. You feel disillusioned about love, trust, and relationships. You speculate over and over again about the broken marriage, and how you are unable to accept the stern circumstances. Each time you repeat this, you generate more suffering for yourself. Your thoughts dishearten you again and again; but the moment you accept it, it's the beginning of the healing process and a transformation in you. Now, when you are ready to strike an honest conversation with your partner, try to discover if this was the first time, or whether he has a long list of cheating history. In any case, you must learn to invoke acceptance to it deal with it. Forgiveness requires acceptance. Even if things go against your expectations, do forgive the person even if you still choose to depart. But forgive you must, as it will release you from the shackles you have been carrying for so long.
3.Understanding the causes of a cheating husband
Before coming to a conclusion, the wife must endeavor to understand what might have been the reasons to make her husband ponder to cheat on her in the first place. Was it the spur of the moment, which could have happened under the effect of alcohol intoxication? Was the relationship having a smooth ride or did it have lots of bumps? The root cause is very important to know. When you undergo an internal assessment about the possible reasons, you will generate a rational thought process that will enable you to forgive your husband. This will also give you a chance to reflect whether you two were really compatible with each other; and many other things that you have never wondered about. Furthermore, after forgiving, you will get the chance to work on your relationship and make it better. In this process, ensure that you also work on your relationship, together with your husband, to aid his efforts and make your relationship a most beautiful bond.
4.Don't blame yourself for your cheating husband; you were a good wife
When your husband cheats on you, it hurts so profoundly that you start finding faults in yourself. You start believing that you have all sorts of imperfections in yourself. You begin to self-doubt yourself and think that perchance you did something wrong that had encouraged your husband to make such unfaithful attempt. Don't ever think that it's your fault, that you failed to meet his mental, emotional or sexual needs. Do not doubt yourself. Do not lose your self-esteem. Responsibility lies squarely at your husband's door. After all, cheating is a choice, not a mistake. You are beautiful. You should keep your head held high, and your heart big enough to overcome his reprehensible act. Don't believe the jerk who blames you for all his offensive actions.You are self-sufficient and so move on in life but do forgive not for him but for yourself, to unleash yourself from the burden you had entrusted upon yourself. Love yourself as you are and forgive your own self first as you have been wishing that you could have done things in a different manner.Do admit your mistakes which could have been a setback in your relationship and ultimately rise beyond it and embody self-forgiveness.
5. Forgiveness: perceiving the deeper meaning of the word
People often think that if you forgive someone for their wrongdoings it is evident that you will let the cheat get away with it, and allow your husband to cheat on you again. However, forgiveness means letting go of the anger, hostility, thirst for vengeance, and resentment for the person who has hurt you and given you unfathomable pain. You take the conscious decision to unbridle yourself from the chain of all the vileness etched in your heart, so that it doesn't carry the heaviness in your bosom. It doesn't matter if the cheater is worth your forgiveness. It doesn't matter if he has vowed to undo the wrong things or repents and regrets. You should still forgive. And this time, you forgive not for the cheater husband, but yourself. As soon as you forgive the cheater you feel empowered and strengthened, because to forgive someone is itself a sign of a strong person. As Mahatma Gandhi said, "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." So move forth and forgive your husband for cheating, even if he doesn't deserve to be forgiven. Do it for your sake, free yourself, take a deep breath and let it go.
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong" -Mahatma Gandhi
6.Seek an expert help to cope with the trauma and learn to forgive a cheater.
Recovering from a trauma after discovering that your husband has been cheating on you could be a very difficult task. You come to point where you mull over whether you should work on improving your marriage, or move on with life. Although you need to forgive the cheater, this is obviously not easy to do. You will need to constantly motivate yourself to forgive. There might be a time when you will be in conflict with yourself; where one side of you will oppose the other. You will feel drained, lose motivation to forgive, and fall in a depressing cycle. At this point, you should ask for help from an expert, who will aid you to cope with the depression, to forgive the cheat, and restore trust and faith back in your husband who should be now determined not to cheat on you again. Forgiving a cheat is not an instant process; it takes place over a period of time. It requires healing, acceptance and other emotional and mental recovery. Counseling will help you deal with the chaos with ease. There are various kind of therapies, including talk therapy. Do not hold back, but go through the process of treatment with a courageous heart.
7.The next step after forgiving a cheater: Moving on
After you have forgiven your husband, you may decide to move on. If it is not worthwhile to carry on with the relationship, you should move on. Life is not the name of constancy, and change is the only thing that is still and constant. Embrace your life that is yet to come, in a more beautiful way than ever, and accept the past. It was one of worst phases of your life, which is never to come again. It is needless to flog the dead horse now; what should have been or could have been are the terms of pointless suffering. The reality that you loved him so much will never change, but that doesn't mean that you should let go of your self-respect and dignity. These are the essential attributes of a woman. When it is sponged off by a man, it questions the sole existence of the woman. Do not validate your existence by being submissive about your honor. Start indulging in doing the thing you love, meet your friends and relatives. Eventually, fall in love with yourself again.
8.Considering your little ones before the cheater
Being a wife it might be a right decision to move on from a toxic relationship, but as a mother, you have to consider your kids. The love you shower upon them is unconditional. Therefore your children are likely to be adversely impacted with this separation. You ought to choose your decisions very wisely so that the effect on them is diminished. As a father's presence is very crucial in a child's life, do not shut them out entirely from your partner. Do have a warm and healthy conversation before proceeding on making tough choices.
If your husband is worth giving a second chance, well and good. Work persistently to take your relationship to the new summit. But if you have decided to move ahead in life, do not be afraid to give yourself a second chance. Don't think and assume that all men are cheaters. Many genuine and warm men exist who can offer you loyalty, fidelity, love, and care.