No Chemistry With Your Boyfriend's Friends
As we know, there is no perfect person, nor a perfect partner, we all have defects and virtues, but for a relationship or marriage to work, the key is to accept our partner as they are, and with all the baggage they come from.
Although a couple's relationship is a matter of two, there are many people around that influence it, especially family and friends. Ideally, you will know your partner's environment and would get along perfectly with everyone. But don’t worry, this is not mandatory, and in fact, it doesn’t happen frequently.
Perhaps they are his lifelong friends, those who remind you of his moments of debauchery some years ago or they are people who you have just met. Either way, if you are reading this, it might be because your boyfriend’s friends do not sympathize with you, you just don’t simply like them, and you feel no chemistry with them.
Do you not know how to tell your partner that some of his friends are not to your liking and that you don’t like them around you guys? Don’t worry! We will help you make this issue way easier for you two.
Remember that what we share with you is from our experience, because we have already been there or because we know similar cases. It is also important that you are clear that these problems are worth discussing about in long-term perspective, if you do not have that vision at this time or just do not believe that your relationship will last for a long time, there is no point in getting worn out on this issue that is very delicate and from which, if it is not handled well, greater conflicts may arise.
8 Ways to Deal with Hating Your Boyfriend's Friend
1. Tell him
Talking is the basic exercise of communication and trust in life as a couple. Say what you like, what you don't and how you feel in different situations, you just have to say it.
Of course, you always have to find the best way to say it, but do it. You must take something into account, saying that you do not like their friendships does not mean that your partner will stop them, do not expect that because you can face the opposite. When you speak about it, you must be very clear about the reasons and state them congruently.
It's not that you're asking him to choose between his friends and you, it's not about separating him from his friends, but finding a balance between everyone's needs, working on acceptance and tolerance and reaching agreements.
Now, if you know that his friend does improper things or endangers the clear relationship that you must intervene, for example, there are those who want to take it from party to party, those who are at home and settle there all day, those who get drunk and also Those who depend on your partner for everything.
On the other hand, if you do not like the way they speak or another characteristic of their personality, you can ask your partner in good terms, arguing that you do not feel comfortable in their presence. Give the reasons nicely without putting your partner in an uncomfortable two-sided situation; that is the worst thing you can do, using the popular phrase: “your friends or me". After all who are you to forbid something to someone ?, true love is demonstrated in freedom and in harmonious coexistence.
If you have the opportunity to have a dialogue with the person that you don't like, discuss what the reasons are, or what actions of that friendship have not pleased you, you can reach a conciliation although in the end, if none of the two parts give each other the opportunity to leave everything behind, it will be very difficult for your opinion to change regarding that friendship of your partner that you do not like. Nonetheless, you lose nothing in trying to make amends with that Friend of his you don’t like.
3. Don't criticize them in front of him
Alright. One thing is that you tell your partner that his friends don't like you or vice versa and another thing is that you criticize them or talk badly about them in front of him.
This will only make him get mad at you and everything will be much worse. You have got to remember that after all, they are his friends, and he loves them, so it is not nice at all to have you talk badly about them. It will hurt him, and in that hurt, he will start accumulating anger towards you which will blow up at a given point and could probably even end your relationship.
If you really got to let it all out and voice your feelings, do it with your friends or your family, but never with him.
4. Don't spend too much time with them
If you really don’t like his friends, a good solution is to share the minimum essential time with them. That is, for example, if you have to go to the birthday, try to put your best face and if possible find other people to be there with you, as to avoid having to be with them all the time and hating them even more beaches of that. This will also enable your partner to have their own space with that person they love so much, as long as they don't exaggerate as to how much time they spend with them, there must be a balance in the time they spend with you and his friends, even though you might not like them.
1. Recognize jealousy
At this point, we refer to the jealousy that friends can feel about you. You must understand that usually among friends there is a kind of jealousy when someone devotes all the attention to a relationship. Somehow, you are the new one in that group and it is possible, even normal, that you have to suffer that "hazing" or "welcome" and that certain attitudes generate discomfort. You must be very sensitive and identify if this is happening, if it is harmless or if it can really become a major problem that generates conflicts between you and his group of friends. If the matter does become complicated, you need to discuss it seriously with your partner.
2. Consider options
If you have explored the options we already said before, and you realize that it is practically impossible to get along with your partner's friendships, you have got to think about other solutions. How about you promote respect and exercise the freedom to let your boyfriend go out without you and just with his friends. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that unless any of his friends are giving him unfavorable ideas about you. If that is the case, talk about it with him.
3. Never keep him away from them
Whatever it is that you want to do, never, and I mean ever try to keep him away from his friends. That is probably the worst thing you can possibly do. After all, even if you don’t like them or hate them deeply, they are his friends and they’ll probably be his friends forever. They are a part of his life in which you cannot interfere and keep him from being with them. Driving him away from them will only drive him away from you; everyone needs friends, privacy, and being alone with their close people.
4. Control your feelings
Alright, we already understand and know that you don’t like your boyfriend’s friends at all. That is not going to change. We got it. If you don’t want to get angry every time you see them and ruin your day because of that, there is a mental exercise you can do to stay calm. Breathe in, breathe out, and just control your rage. Be nice to them, put on a happy face, and think about how after all, you don’t live with them and you don’t have to see them every day, that it will be over soon. That is the best thing you could do; there is no reason why you should get all mad and work up because of them.
Once again, You should not feel bad about not liking your boyfriend's friends. That is normal and it could absolutely happen to anyone. Everyone has a different personality and that means that not everyone will get along perfectly. What will be in your responsibility is deciding how to handle the situation. Now that you have read this article, you know exactly what you should do if this is your case. Take our advice, and you’ll see how things are way smoother in this matter, and how that will never make any unnecessary fuss in your relationship.