Lengthening Sex Time: Does It Mean Better Sex?

Are you one of those people who believe good sex should last all night like in the movies? Well, if you are then we’re sorry to burst your bubble, that can’t happen in real life no matter how badly you want it to. A variety of factors determine the time a couple spends in the sack, some last longer than others but what is important here is not to be too fast nor too slow. The reason for this is because during sex there’s a major orgasm gap between men and women. According to a study carried out in 2017 and published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, 95 percent of men said they usually or always orgasm during sex, while just 65 percent of women said the same.

And the main reason why women orgasm less often than men is because of the time it takes for them to get there. It is well known that it takes most men about two minutes or less to climax while most women need more than 15 minutes of sexual stimulation to climax. This gap is the cause of all the fuss about how much time you need to do the deed.

To be honest, there’s no ideal number, the magic figure varies from couple to couple. But experts have narrowed it down to a reasonable average that works for most people. In 2005 a bunch of sex therapists was asked by the Journal of Sexual Medicine to come up with an ideal number on how long sex should last, this what they had to say: They separated sex into four categories: adequate, too short, too long, and desirable. They said penetrative vaginal sex that lasts from 1-2 minutes is “too short,” and sex that lasts 10-30 minutes is “too long.” Meanwhile, “adequate” sex lasted 3-7 minutes and desirable sex lasted 7-13 minutes. Now you have your answer. Let’s take a look at why society thinks longer sex means good sex and some of the ways in which you can take you down and dirty time last longer.

Generally, most people believe that longer sex means guaranteed pleasure, a shorter time in the sheets is always considered unsatisfactory. Where did this belief come from? It has been documented that prior to women’s emancipation men lasted 1-2 minutes on average before climaxing and nobody complained. But women became vocal and started to speak out about their needs, things soon changed. It suddenly became ‘’cool’’ for men to strive to please their partners. No man worth his salt wanted to be called a ‘’one-minute man’’. This trend evolved so much that by the sexual revolution of the 70’s it had altered sexual behavior and stamina, it had become normal for sex to last longer. Movies, books and the media reinforced this belief even more.

Despite this belief, when it comes down to real life and practice, most women, who are on the receiving end of this romp don’t think longer sex equals better sex and more pleasure. You might be surprised to know that a Twitter poll conducted by GQ magazine of 2,380 women revealed that 61% wanted penetrative sex to last about 5-10 minutes aside from foreplay and only 26% wanted it to last more than 11 minutes. So, guys thrusting down a woman’s genitals nonstop for long minutes does not make their day, sorry!

The truth is the belief that the longer the sex the more the pleasure is simply a myth, its beautiful in the abstract but in real life it’s false. Today’s sexual expectations are tied to the idea that ” If good sex is necessary for self-actualization, the logic goes, then more sex will push us even higher’’. That’s why today’s women feel compelled to feign multi-orgasms and men feel compelled to go harder and last longer.

Foreplay refers to everything that comes before intercourse, from kissing, touching, massage, to oral stimulation and frottage. In this context intercourse means penetrative sex, to lengthen your sex time, spend as much time as you can doing all the things that do not require penetration.  Look at sex like a 3-course meal you have to sample, with penetration being the final stage, the icing on the cake. Savor the other two courses slowly before moving to dessert.

Try not to stick to the same position from start to finish, switch things up from time to time. Different types of stimulation can help you pump the breaks on orgasm and permits you to slowly build momentum. Experimenting with new positions and sensations can help men last longer during sex, the more unusual the position the better. An awkward position is likely to slow things down a bit delaying climax. If you are used to things being done in a specific order, change it, do things that get you out of your routine and comfort zone.

"Edging" means building up ejaculation, you get to the point of orgasm but never quite reach it. This method requires the man to know when to hold back, right before you get to the point of no return. When you feel that you are getting to that point stop penetration and switch to something that is not a trigger for you. For example, you could switch to oral sex or concentrate on kissing your partner. 

 Repeat a stop-start action for about 20 minutes to give your partner time to catch up with you so you can both climax at the same time. When you’ve figured out how to recognize your tipping point, Another option is for the man to hold his shaft when he feels like ejaculating, just give it a gentle squeeze for about 5 to 10 seconds. The squeeze applies pressure on the urethra and represses blood flow, delaying his orgasm.

We all know a healthy physique translates into your sex life, cardio strengthens your core making it easier for you to last longer in bed. You don’t easily run out of breath or stamina when getting down and dirty. Kegel exercises are also the best way to strengthen the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle, which controls ejaculation. The PC muscle is the same mechanism that allows you to hold or stop pee. 

Kegel exercises require you to clench and release the PC muscle repeatedly for 10 seconds. This strengthens your pelvic floor muscles and makes Do three sets, with a 10-second break between sets. When you have mastered it, apply it during sex and see how it improves everything.

This method was invented by Dr. William Masters and Virginia Johnson, the two researchers who explored the nature of the human sexual response and treated sexual dysfunctions from 1957 until the 1990s. The squeeze technique delays ejaculation and lengthens sex time.

The squeeze is done by placing the thumb, index, and middle fingers around the tip of his penis, and squeeze gently until feelings of orgasm subside. With this method, the man loses some of his erection and gets it back to normal after a few minutes. 

Sex is not a marathon, if anything it’s more of a sprint, it is recommended you take short water breaks during sex to prolong it. During these breaks you get to do what you want, you can cuddle, massage, shower, have snacks, chat, or shower. As long as you have time, taking short breaks during sex slows down the build-up to climax and helps you savor every moment.

The refractory period is the time between when he ejaculates and when he can have and maintain an erection. Experts say the length of the refractory period varies depending on the age of the man. Studies show that 18-year-olds  have a refractory period of about 15 minutes, while those in their 70s take about 20 hours, with the average for all men, in general, is half an hour. This period is a great time for the man to nap for a bit and come back refreshed or to use the opportunity to concentrate on pleasing your partner. 

Condoms can make sex last longer. Regular condoms decrease sensitivity in the penis. Condoms come in various thicknesses, ranging from  0.05 millimeters to 1 millimeter. The thicker the condom the less the sensitivity and the longer it takes to climax. When it comes to condoms, another nuclear option is to use numbing condoms, these are condoms that contain 4 to 5 percent benzocaine, an agent that temporarily desensitizes your penis, numbing it for a few minutes. Brands such as Trojan and Durex offer numbing condoms which if properly used can considerably make your time in the sack longer.

Hopefully, our tips will improve your down and dirty time considerably, but in extreme circumstances, you can consult a specialist or opt for medications like numbing spray or Viagra for assistance. This may help you and your partner slow the clock the next time you get under the sheets. Nevertheless, whether shorter or longer all that matters is to find what brings you and your lover pleasure. Sex is a very individualized and contextual based activity, some times you want it to belong and slow and at other times a quickie works just fine.