Guys are generally perceived to be crazy over sex and want to do it as soon as their date is ready for it. That’s not always the case though, the rules of consent go both ways, and not all guys are up for sex whenever. There are some out there who have old-school thoughts and look at love-making with a sense of nobility and depth. Coming across guys like this can be confusing in this day and age though, where they’re usually all super ready as soon as the girl’s ready.
If your ‘special someone’ is also showing signs of avoiding to sleep with you, this article is the right place for you. We’ll go over all the possible reasons that may trigger such behavior in guys. Some of these are more common than others and have different types of male personalities behind them. What can you do about it all though? Keep reading to find out more!
Possible Reasons Why He’s Turning Down Sex
For the longest time, guys have been perceived to be available for lovemaking by default. Their end of consent is taken for granted, but some guys might turn down sex even when it’s right in front of them. This can cause frustration and confusion for the lady, but not if she knows what’s going on. Apparently, 20% of couples face this problem, and it’s not always due to the most obvious reason. Yes, lack of attraction is also a viable cause, but it’s not the only one possible. Let’s discuss some other common causes of a guy behaving this way!
1. He’s traditional and old-school
Nowadays in some tinder dates, sex occurs before even you know each other’s full names. That’s not how it always used to be though, the ‘boomer generation’ can tell you that. There used to be moral barriers and standards that’d come in the way of ‘getting it on’ right away. Maybe, just maybe, the guy you’re dealing with holds similar values and thoughts. Such men still exist, although they’re very less in number, refuse to compromise their morals.
He’s possibly not initiating sexual advances because he wants to take his time. Just as girls like to get to know someone before jumping in bed with them, some guys follow the same route. Maybe he wants to wait and be sure about you. If you move too quickly or rush things with such a guy, he might just ghost you. As unbelievable as that sounds, boys like that are still out there.
2. Low testosterone
Here’s another possible reason why he’s just not that into the idea of sex. His libido could below, causing him to be not as ‘sex-hungry’ as others. Low testosterone hugely diminishes sexual desire in men, and that directly affects his willingness to sleep with you. It can be caused by several different health problems, but usually, it happens for unknown reasons, and only a specialist can help identify them. If this is the case, there’s not much you can do to make him want you as he needs medical help with such an issue.
3. Lack of attraction
Here’s the reason you initially thought of when you noticed his lack of desire to take you to bed. Sadly, this is totally possible as well. The attraction is a super complex emotion and it comes with compatibility. Everyone has their preferred type, and he might not feel that connection with you just yet. Attraction stems from a mix of sexual chemistry and visual pleasure, and what the parties feel about the relationship. How well you get along and the mutual respect also plays a part!
Psychological factors may also come into play to cause a loss of attraction. If the guy feels restricted in a relationship, he’s likely to feel distant and may require space. The closeness that sex brings might be the last thing he wants, but that’s not a problem at your end. If you haven’t started a relationship with him yet, this could be a clear signal to accept that you’re not meant for each other and move on.
4. Performance anxiety
Men commonly believe that their status as a lover gets determined by their ability to achieve and maintain a healthy erection. Regardless of whether or not he feels sexual desire, erection-related problems can make a man nervous in a heartbeat. Now, nervousness itself isn’t too good for stimulating sexual desire in a man, and he’ll remain hesitant to make the first move on you. Such a situation often gets misinterpreted by women as a lack of attraction, and react critically. Instead of being more understanding, such behavior only further complicates the scenario.
5. He’s enough for himself
Sexual negotiations, the pressures of meeting expectations in the bed, or finding the right timing with your partner – all of it can get exhausting. This pushes men to become self-sufficient with their sexual calls.
Many men grow to prefer masturbation over sex, for a variety of different reasons. Obviously, that’s not the case for them all the time, but mostly. They could do so to escape the awkwardness or vulnerability in being the initiator of sexual advances, or just be independent with their sexual needs. Porn appeals to them as a quick and easy way to get off, without any emotional risks. In the long-run though, it could get addictive and prove to be super harmful to their sex life, but who plans for that far ahead?
6. The fear of male-bashing
It can often just sound like male-bashing when men want sex instantaneously. Women typically prefer a slow approach when it comes to sexual stimuli, while men often want to just get it when they get the urge. With testosterone filled to the top, they’re much more sensitive to sexual triggers than women sometimes. When they have a female partner who isn’t very appreciative of their expression of a sudden urge for sex, it can be discouraging for a man. Phrases like ‘all you want is sex’ could linger around his head from previous relationships, and hence he could behave passively with you when it comes to sex.
7. He’s getting it elsewhere
If you’re only testing the waters with each other, and haven’t got into a committed relationship, there’s another possibility that might be at play. He may have someone else to subside his sexual urges, which is why you may feel like he’s not matching your energy. A self-sufficient guy who masturbates a lot, and a guy who’s already sleeping with other women, will naturally feel less sexually interested in you.
So, What To Do About It?
Firstly, finding a traditional guy that cares more about exploring your personality than to get in your pants is rare. In a world of fuckboys and Netflix-and-chill, people who genuinely care about having things in common should be valued. Anyone who cares more about your likes and dislikes than your bra size, is hard to find in this day and age. If he’s not rushing into sex right away, there’s no big deal. Yes, it’ll be frustrating for a while, but it’ll make the actual moment all the more special when he finally does take you to bed.
Honestly, such a situation is a great opportunity to switch things up when it comes to your regular relationship routine. If you’re a person that rushes into sex quite early on in your relationships, this new old-school guy might bring you a chance to explore a more slow-paced bond. While he’s unsure about you, you also get time to know more about this guy without letting sex affect things.
Hold on, give things time, and let him take his time too. It doesn’t just have to be about his readiness; you too could perceive it as an opportunity to fall in love platonically before even finding out what he’s like in bed. How interesting does that idea sound?
With that said, his personality shouldn’t make you shy of your own though. If he genuinely turns you on way too much, you can totally flirt with him if it comes naturally to you. Feel free to be your needy self in a funny way (without being pushy enough to make him uncomfortable, of course).
In this article, we’ve discussed a specific category of men which is super hard to find these days. It’s the kind that doesn’t show interest in having sex right away; going against all the stereotypes society has for men. Such behavior in men isn’t usual, and there can be several different reasons for it. Either he’s just the old-school type, or it’s one of the other common reasons we’ve addressed above. We hope you’ve found valuable insight into your particular situation from this article. All the best!