Relationship Advice: Why Does My Wife Avoid Intimacy?

Learn why your wife is avoiding intimacy and how to fix it

By Sid
Relationship Advice: Why Does My Wife Avoid Intimacy?

What Is Intimacy In The Relationship?

Intimacy is a beautiful word that describes a deep bond. It is often confused with sexual acts but in actuality, it has a lot more to it. Sex can happen without a shred of intimacy present. Some examples of this kind of situation are friends with benefits, one night stands, or a drunken mistake.

Intimacy is just like wine. It takes time and patience to infuse. So, what is intimacy? It means that connection that forms when you deeply know somebody. When you tap into the pieces of another person that has been hidden away from the world. When you uncover their story, share meaningful conversations and nourish parts of them – and they do the same with you.

When intimacy starts seeping in, you’ll notice how effortlessly all parties start to blend in. Intimacy requires a lot but it’s worth it. It requires the acceptance that mistakes will happen but that’s part of growth. It asks for forgiveness because that’s a major step for a stronger bond. It calls for tests and loyalty so that trust blooms.

Can A Relationship Survive Without Intimacy?

Yes, of course, it can survive without intimacy but the real question is, will the individuals involved be happy? Some examples of relationships still standing with no signs of intimacy are marriages with children involved, toxic relationships that are too hard to break free from, and a relationship with a narcissistic person that manipulates another to stay.

If couples want to build a healthy relationship, intimacy is the key. The best part is, if all individuals involved are willing to work for it, you can change a few things up, consciously work to bring the connection back and you’ll notice intimacy making its way in your love life again.

How Does A Sexless Marriage Affect Both Parties?

Here are 5 ways a sexless marriage is affecting both partners:

1. You might question the fidelity

Sex is a major part of a healthy marriage. It is one of the basic needs and married couples have sworn to not be disloyal to their partner. If your marriage isn’t fulfilling this need, you might start questioning whether being loyal is worth it or not. When your partner is pushing you away or there are other reasons why having sex with them is uncomfortable, you will start feeling lonely and depressed. This can be a trigger to cheat.

2. Decline in Intimacy

Yes, intimacy isn’t all about sex but when it comes to couples, sex is a huge source of connection. If it is taken completely out of the equation, the intimacy might take the blow. The research was conducted through the Flourishing Families Project. The main topic of that study was the relationship between sexual and emotional intimacy with satisfaction in a relationship. 355 couples participated and the results confirmed that couples with a good sex life have great emotional intimacy.

3. Unhealthy for the trust

The sense of touch between partners releases oxytocin. Especially post-orgasm, oxytocin levels in the body are high. This chemical has been proven to escalate trust shared between couples. When your marriage goes sex-less, you might feel the trust shared between both of you taking a downwards slope.

Even if we’re not talking about chemicals, sex itself calls for both parties to be vulnerable and trusting the other with your body and your insecurities. Every good intercourse leaves you feeling pleased and raises the bar of trust a bit higher.

4. It can make you self-conscious

When you have sex with your spouse, you feel sexy, attractive, and good about yourself. In cases where one partner starts to avoid having sexual encounters and visibly dodges the attempts of their partner in the bedroom, it can be very hard on the partner who is being turned down every time. They feel rejection which makes them question themselves. ‘Maybe I disgust him/her’ ‘Maybe I’m just not attractive anymore’ ‘There must be something wrong with me’.

5. You begin to compare

We’ve always been asked the question ‘how’s the sex life going’ when out with friends. That is when everybody starts talking about their wildest experience and you’re just sitting there thinking what’s wrong with us? You begin to start comparing every aspect of your relationship with that of your friends’ and comparison is never good.

What Are Possible Reasons As To Why A Wife Avoids Sex?

To give you a better understanding, here listed below are some common reasons as to why a wife avoids sex:

1. She doesn’t feel sexy

When a woman isn’t satisfied with her body, she will avoid a sexual encounter. This has nothing to do with her husband but it’s her fear of hearing that she’s not sexy from her husband. Even though in reality, her husband will only reassure her and make her feel more attractive.

2. She isn’t happy with the relationship

Sex doesn’t feel right to most women if the relationship overall isn’t serving her well. Up and downs are inevitable in marriage but if the down you’re going through is a sensitive issue to her, giving it time and sorting that out first is the healthier way.

3. It may have to do with hygiene

Maybe the husband isn’t taking care of his hygiene. Just like men want their wives to try to look good for them, wives like that too. Husbands should shower every day and be at the top of their hygiene game.

4. Her routine is exhausting

Another reason why wives avoid sex is simply that their routine has become too exhausting. Maybe her job is asking too much of her, a major portion of the house chores are on her or the kids! Try taking off some of the burdens and if this is the reason she’s avoiding sex, you’ll see the difference quite soon.

5. She’s feeling emotionally disconnected

An emotional bond is essential to feel comfortable in bed. If a couple hasn’t been engaging in activities that nourish their emotional intimacy and connection, one of them is bound to disconnect from the sexual aspect as well. Trying to build an emotional connection might help her take the first steps too. Going on dates more frequently or on a vacation is a good idea to feel connected again.

Reasons why Married Women Isn't Interested in Sex Anymore

A sudden or gradual decline in a woman’s desire for sexual intimacy with her husband could stem from many different reasons. Causes can range from biological and natural aspects, such as a decrease in her libido, or a set-back in your relationship, or any kind of emotional trauma. Here are some other reasons why wives may avoid physical contact:

Other Possible Reasons Why Girls Avoid Physical Contact

There may be other extreme reasons too for a woman to suddenly lose interest in sex with her husband. Listed below are other possible reasons why girls avoid having physical contact:

  1. She doesn’t love the guy anymore
  2. She has developed feelings for someone else
  3. She is going through menopause
  4. She’s been deeply hurt by her partner
  5. Sex has become just a routine for her

Related Article: Bringing Intimacy To A Sexless Marriage: How To Rekindle The Flame
Bringing Intimacy To A Sexless Marriage: How To Rekindle The Flame

Are you experiencing a marriage without intimacy? This article will provide some tips on rekindling the flame between you and your spouse!


If your wife has suddenly become physically distant from you, chances are that some underlying problems need to be dealt with first. To be able to solve the problem, communication is vital. You must ensure that your wife doesn’t get the wrong idea that you’re putting in the effort just to have sex. Convey the message that you want her to feel safe and sex is a secondary thing for you. Let her know that you care for her and you’re willing to wait for as long as she wants to get comfortable again. If she’s so distant that communication isn’t working either, noticing her behavior and analyzing any recent events that can play a role in her retracting to her shall shed some light on the matter too. Always remember that marriage counseling is a great option. Suggest her the idea of counseling and see how it goes. Intimacy is an important connection. If both of you don’t fight to keep and nourish it; sooner or later your marriage will be threatened. The fact that you’re reading this article is a great start! Keep going like this and the spark and intimacy will be back.