Have you ever stopped to wonder if your man truly loved you and wasn't only after the sex? This is a more common question that passes someone's mind than you'd think; hence the need to reiterate the signs that he's making real love with you during sex.
What Does Making Love Mean To A Man?
To spot the difference between making love and lust, the term 'making love' must first be defined. There is a big gap between these two concepts. One is solely based on sensual and sexual desires, while the other consists of deeper aspects such as vulnerability and intimacy.
For men, making love usually entails emotional intimacy and physical vulnerability. This is one of the reasons why it catches them off guard when they realize just how much they've fallen for someone after the deed of sex.
When the relationship transforms or moves onto the next level of love, things progress from physical pleasure to something that involves emotional vulnerability and mental connection. This also means that he will be more accommodating to please you and satisfy your needs because his actions stem from love.
Beyond the physical pleasures, making love strives to get that intimate connection between each other. It's different from sex rooted in lust, where the main goal or motivation is to experience pleasure and reach an orgasm. Making love is all about the connection, both emotionally and mentally. You spend extra time and effort to explore one another and discover what makes each partner tick, in and out of bed.
With making love, there's also more attention to detail, compared to the more fleeting experiences rooted in lust. Certified sex coach, sexologist, and author of "All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life," Gigi Engle says one would know if there's making love involved when "you're super into the things this person does to your body: the way they kiss, their smell, their sexual technique. You have chemistry, and things are hot. It means there is a spark. Everything sort of works." Connection.
How Do You Tell If A Man Truly Loves You?
To make love, there must be love, right? Hence the timeless question, "does he really love me?" Here are a few simple ways to confirm if he does. One, he makes sure to tell you that he loves you in your love language.
We all have one or a mix of any of the five love languages: words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time, or physical touch. If his love languages don't match yours, merely going out of his way to prove that he does in a language you're familiar with is substantial proof.
Another way to confirm his love would be priorities, wherein you are on the top of the list. He goes out of his way for you, steamy bed action included. Other signs include him wanting to be close to you, not forgetting little details, making plans for you, getting your opinions on matters, and taking care of your needs.
Most important of all, you feel the love. There's confirmation it's genuine because there are men who go through the actions minus the authentic feeling of love that should be motivating such gestures. Only you could tell if it's real or not, and it's a settled feeling that comes with zero doubts.
How Do You draw The Line Between Love And Lust During Sex?
The first thing to remember is that lust during sex is not a bad thing. In fact, it's great having both in a relationship. However, the absence of love in a long-term relationship could signal some issues worth addressing. So what differentiates love from lust, and how does one draw the line between them during sex?
In its most general definition, love is the deep feeling of care and affection towards someone that means a lot to you. Love is an attraction that lasts because it goes way beyond superficial feelings into something more intimate and attached.
On the other hand, lust is all about physical attraction in hyperdrive. The scientific change and production of hormones cause the overwhelming feeling of sexual desire towards someone.
Lust is usually a period that can grow or transition into love; however, it should not be interchanged or mixed up with a sense of love. The butterflies and giddiness that make you want someone does not automatically mean you are in love because sexual chemistry minus substance is lust. That is where the line should be made to avoid misunderstanding.
Other aspects of lust and love that should be considered is that the former fades with time while the latter only increases with time. It's also totally normal to jump back and forth or intertwine both during sex. Sometimes, you don't even need to draw the line at all, especially in a well-established relationship where lust isn't in full control.
6 Signs He's Making Real Love (Not Lust) With You During Sex
Now that we've gotten these two concepts explained, here are a few signs that your partner is making real love to you during sex.
There is eye contact
This is one of the simplest ways to confirming love in a relationship. Eyes aren't closed. Instead, he looks into you while in the act of pleasing you. And you know that there's substance and deeply-founded affection behind that look. It's not some fazed, "under the influence" look that is usually present during intense sex.
He is generous…very generous
Next would be just how much attention is given to you during lovemaking. If your partner makes sure you are well satisfied during foreplay and doesn't skimp out on giving you pleasure, then you can take this as a sign of how much he values you and wants you happy.
He makes sure you're turned on
Equally important is being lubricated enough before he takes the plunge. It would hurt otherwise. In this case, the hurt is something that should not exist in the relationship because it means that he only cares about self-pleasure.
Speaking of self-pleasure, does he wait for you to finish or climax before he does? This might be a simple thing to do, but it symbolizes so much. If you can see that he struggles in not letting go before you do, it means that he has made it a goal to put you first. In case it's impossible, he strives to get it going again so that you can have a second round to finish.
There is usually so much emotion involved in lovemaking. He says, "I love you" or calls you by your name in an intimate way that no porn video could ever match.
There is a lot of kissing involved
There is something about the lips meeting that achieves a level of intimacy, unlike any other. Furthermore, it is a sign of love and affection. So if he kisses you on the forehead, neck, stomach, inner thigh during foreplay, he's really smothering you with love.
Is It Possible To Love Someone Even If It's Just A One Night Stand?
The short answer is yes. Love is possible at first sex. The long answer is that it could also be lust trying to pass off as love. After all, you barely know the person! How can it be love when it takes time to form.
Still, you have those couples that know. It's like two pieces of a puzzle that fit once they literally joined together. Suddenly, one partner sees a vision of themselves happily married, or there's a deep sense of confirmation that this is right, much like the feeling of coming home.
The actual act of sex and the influx of hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin, which are chemicals associated with attachment, could help reach that sense of love. As you reach orgasm, you pass the line of lust into love and, from there, form a deep attachment to your partner.
All of that from a one-night stand? According to Senior Research Fellow at the Kinsey Institute, author of "Anatomy of Love" and her TED talk, "The Brain in Love," Dr. Helen Fisher, yes, love can be achieved after a one-night stand.
She said, "I'm on my seventh year of an annual study to see if people fall in love after one-night stands. I've probably got data on 20,000 people. I ask, 'Have you ever gone into a one-night stand expecting it to just be a one-night stand, but ended up making a long-term commitment?' And every year, 25% to 35% say yes. A huge percentage of people have sex that leads to commitment.
Lust, love, lust, and love in a relationship are topics always talked about and studied. You can find countless resources on them. Hopefully, these guides serve you well in deciphering if what you have in a relationship is more love and not lust.