How to heal a broken heart fast after a divorce
All your life you have been a witness to the kind of romantic fantasy that fairy tales taught you about love and marriage. Everyone desires to find that special someone and spend the rest of their lives together - that famous dream of “happily ever after.”
However, what they don’t tell you, what they exempt from those Disney and romance novel narratives, is that reality comes after the happy ending. Sometimes they also conceal the very real possibility of a reality where love and marital bliss ends.
After the painful experience of a divorce, you might find yourself breaking down as if the whole world is caving down around you. You might feel the depression and helplessness that accompanies such devastating loss. Even if you feel weighed down from grief, know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how small or how far.
1. Realize that feeling the pain of grief is normal
The impact of your divorce might be so great that it affects your daily mental and emotional well-being. You might find yourself asking: “When will this nightmare end?” The answer is that you are the only one who knows for the first step in the healing process is for you to realize that feeling the pain of grief is normal.
Realize that the pain and the grief is normal.
There is no instant formula or magic potion that would make you instantly better. You just have to accept that grief is a natural reaction to the pain of losing someone you love. Comparing yourself to others who have also experienced divorce would not be helpful. You have to remember that everyone grieves differently, and their circumstances may be very different from your own – the length of the marriage or the presence of children.
2. Allow yourself to begin your own healing process
After letting yourself deal with the grief, you may find yourself crying yourself to sleep every night and taking some time for solitude to think about the divorce. These are all very good responses for they let you go through your emotions. However, you also need to remember that your grieving time should not stop you from beginning your healing process.
Grieving should not stop you from beginning to heal.
Eventually, you should learn to accept the reality of the situation – people make mistakes and not all married couples get to have their happily ever after. The next step is to tell yourself that it is okay to move on and begin again with your life.
3. Take the time to rediscover and reinvent yourself
So, you have chosen to chase the light at the end of the dark tunnel of your divorce, and you ask: what happens next? After a significant time where you have been a part of a committed partnership, it is good to rediscover who you are outside of that relationship. Maybe you can find once again the comfort and confidence from old dreams, passions, and hobbies that you had to let go and can now take up once again.
Take the opportunity to revisit old hobbies.
However, you don’t necessarily have to let yourself be limited by your past identity, seize the moment and reinvent a new you. Challenge yourself by creating a bucket list so that you will be encouraged to explore new things and get to know the possibilities of what you can do and who you can be.
4. Focus your time and energy on positive relationships
The event of a divorce may leave you being preoccupied day and night with the painful memories of that person who left you or betrayed you. Despite all this, maybe you can realize that instead of wasting your time with the person that walked away, you can pour love and attention instead to the people who are still there beside you.
Spend quality time with the people you love.
If your marriage gifted you with children, then you can spend more quality time with them. As a parent, you also need to consider that you are not the only one who was affected and hurting. Your children will need your care and guidance now more than ever. There is also your remaining friends and family whom you can bond with and form stronger and more meaningful relationships.
How to heal a broken heart fast after a relationship
The circumstances of a divorce may be different from a break-up in a relationship, but the essence of pain and loss is still the same. After breaking up with your significant other, you might find yourself dwelling on suicidal thoughts and feelings of worthlessness. You can either continue to wallow in your mistakes and regrets or you can boost yourself up and offer yourself a helping hand.
5. Refrain from blaming yourself because of the break-up
Instead of dwelling over what you could have done better in the relationship, you can choose to empower yourself instead with the thought that it is not your fault. You have to accept the reality that some relationships are just not meant to be or that people change and outgrow each other to pursue different paths.
You should not blame yourself for what happened.
You can help yourself by taking a page from science’s logical explanation on what happens to you after a break-up. In some cases, it really is not you itself that is at fault. After a break-up, your body’s hormones contribute to the feelings of depression and obsessive behavior that you are experiencing. You need to regulate your body’s reaction by focusing instead on wellness and physical activities.
6. Detoxify your life from painful memories and remembrances
After your break-up, your brain and your body might urge you to seek the comfort of the familiar. You need to resist the temptation of stalking your ex in social media. For you to get an authentic chance at starting over, you need to sever all communications with your ex. You can think of it as rehabilitating yourself from a kind of drug addiction.
Pack away your bad memories.
To keep the painful memories away, make sure that you take time for cleaning up the remnants of your past relationship. You can either throw away or box up your old souvenirs, photographs and anniversary presents in a hard to reach place like your parents’ attic. You can also consider giving away mementoes that might be of use to someone else like donating your stuffed toys to an orphanage.
7. Keep yourself busy with meaningful work
Although the sadness and the pain from the break-up may urge you to just stay in bed and wallow over your lost relationship, you need to get yourself up and become active if you want to start your healing process. Find yourself in a new environment where you can meet new people by joining clubs or taking up a sport.
Invest in wellness activities.
In addition to being part of activities that would help divert your attention and energy, you can also choose to spend time thinking about joining volunteer work. Visiting a home for the aged or volunteering in an orphanage or a hospital is also a meaningful way to spend your self-healing time. Being of service to others will help you forget the weight of your pain and sadness.
8. Reflect and learn from your experience of heart break
It is understandable that when you have just broken up with your loved one you will have a lot of lingering thoughts and emotions. To help you overcome your situation, experts suggest the therapeutic power of journaling. Writing down your ideas and feelings about the break-up will help you in processing them.
Write in your journal everyday as way to release emotions.
Writing things down as if you are talking to another person may lead you to new insights from your previous relationship. These insights can help you reflect from your heartbreaking experience. Turn your loss into an opportunity by creating nuggets of wisdom from a painful experience.
Support group for healing broken hearts
When your significant other walks away from you, you might feel all alone in the world. You might feel that you have no one left to love and care for you. Realize that these kinds of thoughts are illusions meant to trap you into a life of despair and sadness.
The truth is you are never alone. After your divorce or break-up, even if that person turns their back on you, you still have your friends and family to love and support you in your times of hardship. Be open to the idea of letting other people in and sharing the weight of your grief with people you can trust.
Know that you can lean on others for help.
If you think you need professional help, you can always find support in grief counselors and therapists who are more than willing to help you get back on your feet. You can go to divorce or break-up boot camps as well where you can find people who can truly say that they can feel your pain since you are all going through the same experience. In the camps, you can indulge in good food, group therapy and other wellness activities.
Positive quotes to get out of a heartache
Guy Finley, an American self-help writer, knows what he is talking about when he says:
“Nothing in the universe can stop you from letting go and starting over.”
You need to close the door firmly on your past relationship if you want to keep moving forward with your life.Mandy Hale, a blogger and author, says that break-ups can be an opportunity for you to understand your self-worth:
“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.”
You are worthy of love.
Sarah Mlynoski, a Canadian writer, reminds you that you should let yourself be open to dating and maybe falling in love once again in the future:
“Just because a relationship ends, it doesn’t mean that it’s not worth having.”
Renowned scientist and inventor, Alexander Graham Bell says that:
“When one door closes, another one opens; but we often took so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”
Endings can be a new beginning, it is just a matter of changing your perspective. Maybe it is time for you to stop looking back and begin your forward march.
Suffering from a divorce or a break-up may make you feel that you have nothing else to live for in this world. It may be extremely difficult, and perhaps it will take everything out of you to begin again but you have to realize that you are strong enough to get through it – that this will not be the end of you.
You are not alone. There are other people who have experienced the same heartache and your family and friends will always be there for you to lend a helping hand. Together, with your determination and their help, you can step in into a brighter life waiting for you.