Am I Asexual: 15 Facts You Should Know To Find Out

There are different kinds of sexual orientations in humans and asexuality is one. Here is how you know if you are an asexual being.

By Emmanuel Onitayo
Am I Asexual: 15 Facts You Should Know To Find Out

Sexual Orientation, What It is

It is possible you have heard the term "Sexual orientation" severally, and you're wondering what it means. It's just a fanciful term used to refer to the kind and type of gender you are romantically attracted to and would love to be in a relationship with. Your sexual orientation is not the same as your gender. Your gender is who you really are whether a male, female, transgender and a whole lot of other forms available. So, when we say sexual orientation, what is meant is that whether you as a male (just for example) feel naturally and romantically attracted to a female or another male like yourself.

Types Of Sexual Orientation

With regard to sexual orientation, you can be any of the following. Homosexual - you are romantically attracted to someone of the same gender as yours. Heterosexual - you are attracted sexually to someone of opposite sex to yours. Bisexual - mid-way between sexuality and asexuality. Asexual - without sexual desire. Aromantics - can be sexual but are not prone to romance. Demisexual - you are demisexual if you need to form an extremely deep emotional connection with a person before you can ever be sexually attracted to him/her. Pansexual - attracted to every gender. The list above only represent a few of the common sexual orientations out there. The spectrum is quite wide, and as a result of the spectrum of this subject being broad-based, it usually attracts slightly different classifications and definitions within the limit of its acceptance.

So, Who Is An Asexual Person?

An asexual person is someone who practically has no sexual urge. He or she is not aroused at what would easily turn a sexual person on. In some scenarios, asexual individuals may be attracted sexually to another person, but the level of attraction is very low. Some people have attributed this inability to have sexual desire to a medical issue while to some; it is nothing but a mere emotional problem. A number of asexual people are also categorized with other sexual orientation labels. By identifying with these other labels, asexual people claim a few of their characteristics. This makes it seem as if being asexual is a sort of personal decision. Being asexual should not be confused with being celibate. Celibacy involves a voluntary decision to abstain from sexual activities, which is mostly a personal decision or due to religious convictions, beliefs or devotion. A celibate can be sexual, that is, attracted to others sexually but the individual has chosen not to express his/her sexual feelings. A group of researchers believes that the concept of asexuality is a feature of sexual orientation while another group believes it’s a function of sexual behavior. In some cases where asexual individuals eventually get married, some of them would have to venture into masturbation or have sex (out of their natural will) so as to benefit their romantic partner.

How To Tell If You Are An Asexual Person

As earlier noted, the spectrum for this subject is broad and can equally be dicy. So many other sexual orientations often find their expressions in asexuality and so, if you are not accustomed to what being asexual means, you may actually belong to other sexual orientations and you'll be thinking you are asexual. For instance, you can be demisexual which means you are mid-way between being sexual and asexual and you'll be thinking you're purely asexual. Therefore, Here are 15 facts to tell if you are asexual.

1. You are asexual if sex is really boring to you

This is often the first and most pronounced sign of being asexual. You just see the whole sex thing as boring if not needless. Of course, one has to acknowledge that some partners can be sexually unattractive (let's tell ourselves the truth) or inexperienced, but if after efforts have been made by your partner (assuming you are already hooked up), you still do not see any big deal in sex, you may just be asexual.

2. Spicing Up Sex Feels Irritating

In most cases where partners feel their sex life is no longer as interesting as it once used to be, some measures are often taken to spice it up. This can involve adopting different sex positions and styles, increasing romance and foreplay, and so on. Where every attempt to make sex appealing to you has consistently failed, and you are almost even becoming fed up with those efforts, you are most likely asexual.

3. Speaking About Sex Sounds Foreign To You

Here is another way to tell if you are asexual. A discussion about sex is brought up where you are, and you find it hard to relate to it. Naturally, sex (the activity) is something you should be able to relate to wherever and whenever it is being discussed. However, because you are probably asexual, you have lost every interest in paying attention to this innate and important part of you. You don't even see reading books to learn more about it as a worthwhile effort. So, a topic on the subject sounds foreign in your hears.

4. You Don’t See Any Big Deal About Sex

Granted, there are some people who have had just enough sex that it doesn’t sound like a big deal to them anymore. But when you are not in this category and yet sex isn’t a big deal to you, you might as well check yourself out to see if you are an asexual. Typically, asexuality makes sex look like an over-hyped thing and lessens the importance of it. By the time you notice you have little or no regards for sex, you're more than sure you are asexual.

5. You Have Had A Number Of Broken Relationships Because Of Lack Of Sex

Just take a second look at your relationships for the past few years. Have you had to walk out of them severally, or your partners are the ones calling it quit primarily because of your sexual apathy? You can begin to evaluate yourself for asexuality. Sex is one major benefit partners in a relationship look forward to. And, if as an asexual individual, you are unlucky to be hooked up with someone that is sexual, there is no doubt such a relationship will always hit a dead end. Perhaps, it is necessary to mention that asexuality may not be the only reason for refusing sex in a relationship (especially pre-marital sex). You may be doing so for a health challenge or a religious conviction. But where these are not the reasons, and you have suffered several broken relationships because your partner feels there is something wrong with you sexually, it may be a sign you are asexual.

6. You Hardly Know Anyone Attractive


The eyes of an asexual person hardly recognize beauty or attractiveness. It just find it hard to describe anyone as being attractive and if it has to, most times, it is usually out of pretense. So, if appreciating beauty or attractiveness in others seem next to impossible with you, it's a great sign you may be asexual. Our sense of attractiveness in others is mostly triggered by our sexual orientations and if you are oriented to regard sex as nothing, finding another person attractive may be difficult.

7. The Concept Of Celibacy Seems Great With You

If celibacy, which is the total and voluntary abstinence from sex or sexual activity, sounds like a cool concept to you, or you feel it won’t be a difficult thing to try out or practice, you are most likely asexual. Celibacy, even amidst religious ministers is deemed a form of self-sacrifice. But for you an asexual person, you are not going to see it as a denial of anything but the best way of life. You will often find yourself happy and proud to be one.

8. You Haven't Had Sex In A While And You Are Not Bothered

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There is a stage in life when your sexual urge is expected to be at its peak. Even if you aren't married by then, you get this urge constantly popping up. But for you an asexual being, you don't feel any change or difference in your sexual quest for a long period of time and it doesn't bother you.

9. You haven’t thought of anyone as being sexy

This is still a function of not finding attractiveness in other people. When people around you commend a particular person as being sexy, hot or attractive, and yet you hold a different opinion about the same person; that may be a big sign you’re asexual. If you are not asexual, you will at least find someone you feel is sexy to be in a romantic relationship with.

10. You Find Sex Scenes Needless

So you are seeing a movie, and suddenly a sex scene is displayed, and you feel annoyed because to you, it is unnecessary? It may be a pointer that you are asexual. Of course, some scenes may actually be needless but to you an asexual, it is all scenes that are sexual or suggest that you find needless. Sometimes, it may not even be a movie. It may be a novel you are reading, and the scene is portrayed. If you find yourself having to skip such parts every time you read books like that, you are probably expressing your sexual orientation which is asexuality.

11. You Generally Do Not Have Interest In People


This may just be the height of being an ace (i.e an asexual). People generally do not fascinate you and you prefer (if possible) to just be on your own. This feeling of no special interest in people is particularly greatest with the opposite sex. You just cannot explain why you have no special interest in them. It may be because you are asexual.

12. You Hardly Have Wet Dreams

Asexual folks are among the few individuals who hardly experience wet dreams during their lifetime. Wet dreams which doctors also call nocturnal emission is the orgasm usually experienced by adolescents during puberty. It takes place at night when they are sleeping and usually when they dream about them having sex. For an asexual person, this may just be a strange phenomenon because he or she has lived to regard sex as uninteresting and the body has adapted in such manner. Therefore, if you have reached or passed puberty and you haven't had the wet dream experience, you may just be asexual.

13. You Cannot Easily Identify Your Sexual Orientation

Those who are sexual, homosexual, pansexual and other forms of sexual orientations can easily know where they fit except asexual beings. Sometimes, they are not sure if they are demisexual or aromantics. So, if answering the question of which sexual orientation you belong to is very difficult, it may be a subtle sign of being an asexual.

14. You Are Not Aroused Sexually Even With Nude Beings

If this is not a medical issue, it's most likely because you are asexual.

15. You Only Talk About Sex In A Clinical Setting

You don't have a problem talking about sex as a lecturer or doctor but outside the purpose of academics, you find the subject disgusting, You are most likely an ace.

Final Remarks

Establishing whether a person is an ace or not can be a challenging subject majorly because of its wide spectrum and resemblance in some degrees, to other forms of sexual orientations. Agreed, it can be a lifestyle as well as a natural phenomenon. If it's a behavioral thing, it can pretty much be corrected, but it is not certain if any help can be granted to a naturally asexual person. By and large, if you are able to manage the situation, it should not be more of a worry to you. However, if you are much concerned, you can seek help. In fact, the fact that you are concerned may suggest your asexuality is behavioral. By spending some time with your psychologist and/or counselor, you can get over it.