What is the Marriage Sex Counseling that people are shy to talk about
Also known as Sex Therapy, this counseling session provides a very comfortable environment for couples who are having trouble in their sex life. Nowadays many people seek sexual help from books and blogs, but it is better to take your partner to a counseling session where you can speak without any hesitation and clear both yours and your partner’s mind. The counselors are trained to have listening abilities and will work to remove the tangles that are bothering your sexual intimacy.
Marriage sex counseling is not only for the troubled, but also for happy couples who want to improve their relationship and bond over intimacy. It would feel good to discuss your personal issues with a trained person, right? Rather than listening to some random person on the internet who gives out their own views and might disrupt your happy sex life.
Qualities of a good therapist:
1. They’re not biased
A therapist or counselor is completely neutral and impartial about the whole situation. You don’t have to be worried about not being heard or taken for granted. A good therapist will listen to both parties with an open mind and create a balance.
2. They’re professional
Counseling requires a lot of professionalism and cannot work without it. A therapist does not involve any kind of sexual activity during a session and doesn’t get involved in one too.
3. Finding a Good Therapist
You can find a certified sex expert or a licensed psychiatrist, marriage therapist or clinical co-worker with a search like the organization American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT).
You can also find marriage sex counselors in your area by trying Psychology Today or calling your local community center or hospital.
6 things to expect from a Marriage Sex Counseling session on:
1. Premarital Sex
When in a session for the engaged couple, the following topics are considered in questioning to better judge the vibe from them:
a) Sex Education
Sometimes in a sex therapy session, the clients get to know a lot of things about their own bodies and how sex affects them and their mood etc. People often lack this important topic of education growing up and they definitely need to explore it before getting married. As a lot of medical problems are concerned with sexual contact, proper guidance is given in pre-marital therapy sessions to discuss it with your partner before tying the knot.
b) You’ll be asked if this is the real deal
The session would include questions about how serious the couple is in their relationship. They are asked about their views on marriage and that do they know about the changes that occur after marriage? This is very important to discuss as with marriage, a lot of things can change. Before marriage, the sex and sexual activities are different, afterwards, they might not be the same. The energy, the charm, a lot of things change. With responsibilities, a person has to adjust accordingly. So the therapist prepares you for that.
In premarital sex counseling, I also lightly prepare couples for the challenges of married sex, not just as it is this year but how it will be for them 20 years and even 40 years out. -Gloria Brame Ph.D.
Words by Experts
Madeleine Castellanos M.D.
The author of Wanting to Want: What Kills Your Sex Life and How to Keep It Alive, explains "The sooner a couple can start having healthy communication about their sexuality and their expectations for their sexual relationship, the sooner they will find harmony in their sex lives together. Premarital sex counseling helps a couple have an open dialogue about sex so that they can learn to negotiate times when sex might be affected by life events," says Castellanos.
Everything about premarital sex, the anxiety, the frequency, sexual styles should be discussed in a therapy session. Even thoughts about pornography are put on the table during sessions.
Gloria Brame Ph.D.
"If there's a hint of sexual problems or conflicts, a sex therapist can resolve it and help them create a more solid foundation to their marriage. Counseling can answer any concerns or questions they may have." says Gloria Brame, sexologist and author of The Truth About Sex: A Sex Primer For The 21st Century.
2. Intimacy in Marriage
What's sex without intimacy, right? But being intimate doesn't always mean being physically close, it's also beong connected by the mind and souls. Best intimacy is which comes from passion, and passion is something that sets your soul on fire.
a) It’s going to be awkward
The question about intimacy is inevitable. You might seem to hesitate at first but by the talks of the counselor, you’ll realize that it’s not a big deal for them and they’re used to all kinds of responses and problems expressed by the couples. Sometimes the therapist might ask you even about the little details during sex and you’ll have to be open to these talks if you want to work everything out.
b) Communication during sex
Thinking that isn’t it awkward talking during sex? Well not as much as you think. There are other ways to communicate like Eye Contact. This is the most intimate way to express yourself during sex and you’ll be asked to implement it.
Besides this, how is your partner supposed to know how you feel or what you like or dislike about sex if you don’t communicate and talk it over? This is one of the most effective ways to increase intimacy and bonding between two partners.
3. Workshops for couples
Be prepared for something other than the therapy session, as the counselor helps the couple interact more with each other and develop greater emotions.
The therapists tend to give a little homework for couples so that after the session, they can apply some of it in their lives and see the difference. Small exercises can help boost up the energy and improve overall mood and feelings.
b) Experiments during sex
A lot of people are into fun things like cosplays and sex toys to enhance their sexual pleasures. Only if they discuss this topic with their partners. Couples are often asked to change their sex routines and even the positions every now and then. A little change can prove to be very helpful in creating passionate sex.
c) Creating focus
Directly jumping to sex is not always very satisfying, sometimes the therapists suggest a little foreplay and techniques to create a sensual feeling before sex.
There are three stages to it:
1. Starts with non-sexual touching
2. Progresses to sexual/genital touching
3. Then finally ending with sex
Examples of questions asked during the session
The counselors ease the situation and ask some common questions to figure out what might be the issue. Here are some examples of those questions:
1. What are your sexual strengths and weaknesses?
If things get confusing, a good way to start the conversation is to ask about some happy memory related to the couple’s sex life. Like, the best sex you’ve ever had? What made it so special? Here’s an opportunity to ask your partner about your weak points to. Don’t take this session as criticism, it’s a way to get to know your partner even better and improve your sex life.
2. How has your sex life been affected over the years?
In marriage, with different milestones like having a child, moving, tragedies and career problems can have major impacts on the sexual aspect of life. This question is a chance to discuss with your partner about how these life moments affected your sex life and how it could’ve been managed in a better way.
3. What do you do when you fight about sex?
It’s a very predictable condition in marriage, to fight about sex at some point. The question arises, what are your responses to it? Do you discuss it maturely? Do you understand the situation and plan on correcting it in the future? This discussion can help couples realize that it’s normal to have problems like this, the important step is to make it right.
4. Who initiates sex?
This is very important in terms of intimacy and comfort between the couple. Equal participation from both sides is so important in any kind of relationship, especially sex. If one person isn’t initiating or responding well for sex, then they need to be open about it to their partner and clear out things.
A good result from the therapy requires commitment from the couple side. They will achieve what they desire sexually, if they keep up the effort from their end, either alone or with their partner in therapy sessions.