Understanding Physical Relationships
Physical intimacy play a big part in maintaining romantic relationships.
Entering into a physical relationship with someone might be easier if you are in it for just that - your physical needs. But what if you have grown your relationship with him from a close friendship where afterward you fell deeply in love with him. How would you know that you are ready to be intimate with him? Or how would you know if you are fulfilling the physical side of your relationship?
Here are a few cues and clues that you can look for between you and your partner to better understand and improve on your physical relationship together.
1. You trust him completely
You can trust that he would accept you for who you are.
One cue that you can look for in your relationship that could signal your readiness to be physical with your partner is when you find yourself trusting him completely. This could manifest from the smallest to the most important of things - from trusting him to buy everything in your grocery list to counting on him to keep your deepest, darkest secrets.
Having this quality in your relationship could also sweeten your physical relationship as you can give yourself to each other freely without inhibitions. Trust also means that you no longer need to fear being judged or rejected for revealing your true and flawed self.
2. Your boundaries are respected
He respects the boundaries that you set with him.
Another clue that you can look for to signal readiness for physical intimacy is when you see him honor the limits in the relationship. When you told him that you are only comfortable reaching a particular base, you notice that he is only okay with it, he accepts and respects your decision.
This aspect can aid you in improving your physical relationship because it means listening honestly to the desires and needs of each other. Listening to what the other has to say can make you better and more effecive lovers for one another.
3. Your relationship is not just about being physical
Communicating with each other is as important as being physically intimate.
You might feel yourself getting to the point of being intimate with your boyfriend when you are assured that in your relationship you do more talking and listening than making out and canoodling. You feel that he knows and understands you intently and he makes you feel for sure that he will still be there with you in the morning when you wake up.
The physical aspect could be more meaningful and fulfilling for you and your special someone if you have also focused on the other aspects of the relationship such as your emotional and mental needs. You can give yourself more freely and readily to your partner if you feel that you are emotionally connected and exist on the same level of your relationship.
4. You are in love with each other
Being in love is the best reason for physical intimacy.
One of the best reasons to signal readiness for physical intimacy is when you realize that the two of you are in love with each other. What better way to signal your openness to participate with your partner in making love than the existence of love itself between the two parties in the relationship.
As mentioned before, fulfilling each other's emotional needs will also lead to a happier physical relationship. Adding love to the equation means sacrificing for one another and putting the needs and wants of your partner ahead of yourself. It is a give and take relationship built on genuinely caring for one another.
Understanding Emotional Relationships
Emotional connection is the other side of the relationship coin.
A romantic relationship blossoms if two sides of the coin are satisfied: the physical and emotional needs of both parties. You may have an intensely satisfying physical relationship with your boyfriend but outside of the bedroom, you find him to be cold, distant, uncaring towards you. He does not communicate with you outside of trivial and casual conversations.
How do you know if it is still worth it to stay with him? What can you and him work on to make your relationship more sensitive to the emotional needs of each other? Here are some insights that you can apply.
5. Labeling emotions as unimportant
He tells you that your emotions do not matter.
When your boyfriend is uninterested or apathetic when you are sharing your emotions or when he is unkind and trivializing your feelings, it is a signal of an emotional dilemma in your relationship. Being sad, depressed or feeling unimportant are all emotions that matter side-by-side happiness and satisfaction.
Emotions matter as let you have an idea if your relationship is going well or if it is on the brink of collapsing. Negative emotions are vital in letting you know that there is a problem or an issue that you must address - that there is something you are doing wrong that must be corrected.
6. Inability to understand emotions
He does not take time to understand what you are feeling.
It is abnormal or problematic for anyone who cannot identify the emotions of other people, most especially if that person is your partner in a relationship. However, it is another thing altogether when one of you chooses to ignore or understand the emotions of the other. That it is a willful choice made completely with his knowledge and his awareness.
You should take time and effort to work out this issue with him as it might just be a sign of immaturity or a lack of responsibility in accepting the consequences of words and actions. If you feel that you could not work it out by yourselves, you can seek the professional service of a psychologist or a therapist that specializes in helping couples with their emotional problems.
7. Difficulty in coping with emotions
Depression overwhelms your feeling of love for each other.
Other than denying or trivializing your emotions, another clue that might lead you to understand that you have emotional issues in your relationships is when he or you have difficulty coping with emotions, especially negative ones. A particular one would be experiencing extreme sadness or hopelessness for a long period. This would really need the aid of a professional in giving therapy and possible medications.
Another is when one of you experiences extreme anger and may manifest these through aggressive and violent words or actions. There are anger management seminars that you or your partner may attend. And in all this, it would be important for you or him to show moral support and understanding in order to overcome these difficulties.
8. Numbing of the self
You or him prevent yourselves from feeling hurtful emotions.
In some cases when a person has experienced difficult challenges in the past or when you or your partner had traumatic and extremely negative experiences, these might lead you to numb yourself from emotion. This means that in order for you to lessen or prevent the pain, you do not allow yourself to feel particular emotions.
An example would be anticipating the event of being abandoned by your partner, similar to past experience, that you would not let yourself feel love or attachment for anyone. Another would be after experiencing severe criticism, you are also as severe with others so that they could not see your insecurity. These emotional dilemmas could be overcome with love, patience, and understanding. If these are not enough, then seek for professional help.
Top 3 Books On Understanding Relationships
If you are having problems with the physical or emotional side of your relationship, you can always find some time to seek the advice of talented psychologists and knowledgeable doctors in this top books on understanding relationships:
1. "The Relationship Cure: A 5-Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships" by John Gottman
Book cover for "The Relationship Cure."
In his book, Dr. Gottman strives to provide his readers with the tools that they need to succeed in their romantic relationships. He points out the critical elements in the relationships that couples have to address. He reveals that a strong emotional connection is key in a happy and long-lasting relationship.
2. "The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts" by Gary D. Chapman
Book cover for "The Five Love Languages"
The book focuses on helping romantic relationships work by looking at how expectations are not being met by couples. The book recognizes the difficulty of staying in love after the blissful honeymoon period of falling in love.
3. "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus: Practical Guide for Improving Communication" by John Gray
Book cover for "Men are Mars and Women are from Venus"
This popular and famous book has been referenced in some romance films and TV shows like the 1990's teen film Clueless. The book offers advice and methods to understand the opposite sex and find ways to better communicate with them.
Top 5 Quotes On Understanding Relationships
Here are some important quotes to keep in mind when you are struggling in understanding emotional or physical side of your relationship. You might get nuggets of wisdom or points of reflection that could help you in your challenges.
Being in a relationship would change you.
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” ― Carl Gustav Jung
The quote reminds us that love has the powerful ability to transcend our physical bodies and touch the soul and minds of one another. Through love, you can reach out to even the most armored of hearts.
“Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.” ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Emotional neglect is worse than dislike or hatred.
Rowling explains how the opposite of love is not hatred nor dislike but it is outright emotional 'deafness'. It is the condition of being numb from caring or loving another human being.
Trust is the most important part of a relationship, closely followed by communication. I think that if you have those two things, everything else falls into place - your affection, your emotional connection. - Vanessa Lachey
Trust and communication is key.
In this quote, the significance of the partnership of trust and communication in a partnership is emphasized. When you and your boyfriend have these two things and hold them central to your partnership with love in the very middle, then there is no problem that you cannot overcome.
I believe forgiveness is the best form of love in any relationship. It takes a strong person to say they're sorry and an even stronger person to forgive. - Yolanda Hadid
This quote is a simple reminder that you and your partner could be flawed and make countless mistakes. These shortcomings may lead to hurting one another badly but for the sake of love, you must be willing to forgive.
Love is two separate beings hinged together.
“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.” ― Lisa Kleypas, Blue-Eyed Devil
This quote can remind you that everyone is born with uneven sizes and shapes - personality and flaws that make us who we are. The writer expresses how it might not be a perfect fit, a perfect person, which we are all destined to find. But a similar piece, a fellow human being, with all the rough and ragged edges that would complement our own.
Struggle because and for your love for each other.
Perhaps you have been wishing for a perfect, fairytale-like, or rom-com based relationship for you and your loved one. That is, a romantic relationship that is easy, immaculately flawless, and uncomplicated. But that is just not an accurate picture of real life. Real life is messy is full of mistakes, flaws, and messiness.
In dealing with love in real life, you must keep in mind what is often overlooked in romantic movies: the struggle and the challenges. Like you and your boyfriend, those onscreen couples also had mountains that they had to climb and hurdles they have to pass. And they do, love made them stronger, so can you and your special someone, so that they can struggle and overcome. They struggle because of love and for love.