What Happens When A Man Falls In Love With Someone

Sweaty plams and butterflies in the stomach are familiar physiological signs that you are near your intense crush.  It may not be love yet, but you know you have strong feelings for this one person, and you get anxious at the thought of seeing them. You might even start dreaming up ways to "accidentally" run into them during the day so you can impress them with your wit.

We've probably all been on dates where we felt there was absolutely no chemistry with the other person.  They were good looking, and a pleasant conversationalist, but at the end of the date you just knew you wouldn't want to go out with them again.  Why? You liked this person enough to go on a date with them, but what went wrong?  What was missing?  The truth is that there is real science behind falling in love, and it all starts with chemistry.

Researchers have studied the neurotransmitters in the brain and the impact that hormones play in love and attraction.  They have found that there is a direct correlation between love and the hormones that are triggered by the brain's reaction to a romantic partner.  Researchers came to this revelation by examining the subjects' brains using an MRI scan.   They have discovered that there are three stages of love and all of the stages are backed by science and chemistry.  Here are the stages:

Sex drive is your primal urge to engage in sexual relations.  Your sex drive is not limited to any one person.  You could be attracted to someone on the train, a co-worker, a move star or your waiter.  The main desire is to have sex with anyone who turns you on.  Sex drive is most associated with lust.  You do not necessarily want to be a a relationship with this person. It could be a one night stand with someone you shall never see again.  The chemical in the brain that increases sex drive is testosterone.

Although testosterone is associated with hyper masculinity, women's bodies also produce this hormone.  According to Everyday Health, women produce testosterone in their ovaries and adrenal glands.  The hormone is vital for women's sex drive, energy levels and mood.

Romantic love occurs when the focus is placed on one specific person. You are no longer looking to have sex with just anyone in the bar.  You have found that one person into whom you are streamlining all of your efforts into making them like you.  This person is special to you and you feel euphoria knowing that you are going to be seeing them later in the day.  You can talk on the phone with them for hours at night.  You think about them every waking moment.  By contrast, you feel extreme despair when you cannot see them.  You are sad when they are unable to spend time with you.

According to Dr. Helen Fisher, romantic love is fueled by dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin.  Dr. Fisher is a Ph.D. and anthropologist who has focused her research on why people fall in love with one person over another. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter in the brain that communicates to neurons (the nerve cells) and is most associated with a reward system.  Dopamine neurons are triggered when something good happens.  This good could be the sight of your love interest or a box of chocolates. When the Dopamine is released, you feel good, so you are anxious to start feeling it again so you repeat the action.  In the case of romantic love, you want to see your partner again because it releases Dopamine and that makes you feel good all over again.

Norepinephrine is another neurotransmitter in the brain that sends the flght or flight signals when danger arises.  It is also the chemical produced when you see the object of your affection.  Norepinephrine attributes to the feeling of butterflies in your stomach and the stammering you may experience when trying to be a smooth talker around this person.

Serotonin is a neurotransmitter in the brain that releases the chemical when there is a feeling of happiness and contentment.  Dr. Fisher's research indicates that serotonin is released during the romantic love phase, which is why people in this phase of the relationship are happy and want to engage in sexual relations.

The attachment phase of love is when there is a deep sense of commitment to the other person.  You have passed through the intense sexual attraction and lust, through the romantic love and now have learned how to accept each others faults and tolerate each other.  Oxytocin is released during sex and is often referred to as the love drug.  This chemical plays an important function in promoting bonding, and reducing stress and anxiety.  When a couple is in the attachment phase of love, they trust each other and are content with the relationship.

 

Body language in involuntary.  This mean you are not conscious of doing the action.  It just sort of happens and behaviorists have spent lots of time studying body language and decoding it for us.  93% of communication is expressed in non-verbal ways.  This means body language and the tone of the interaction is how we communicate so you need to pay attention to learning the male body language to determine what is really happening.

 

Pay attention to your man's posture.  If he leans in when you talk, it is a sign of interest.  However, if you are in a crowded bar, it may just indicate the noise level, so be cognizant of your surroundings. If he is leaning away as you speak, looking away or is more interested in his cell phone, these are signs that means he is not interested in you.

When your main smiles with his whole face, it means he is attracted to you.  This means his eyes get a little squinty and his eyebrows raise when he smiles at you.  Just a brief smile with his lips is not enough to indicate intent.

If he touches your arm or shoulder as you are speaking, he is indicating he is interested in you and in what you are conveying.

How close is he when the two of you are walking down the street together?  If there is a lot of space between the two of you; he doesn't think of you in a romantic way.  If he is close enough so that your arms can touch; he is indicating his romantic interest in you.

If he touches his throat while you are talking, he is communicating his vulnerability and it means he is interested in you.

Body language is more important than verbal speech so pay attention!

We all have the same question when it comes to love.  Why am I attracted to this person as opposed to that person?  We already have reviewed the chemical components of love, but there is more to love than that.  In her "Anatomy of Love" Google Talk, Dr. Helen Fisher discusses some of the important factors as to why we fall in love with one particular person over another.

Timing and proximity are important because you have to meet up in some way so physical location is a factor.  People tend to stick with those in the same ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds because that gives them the common ground from which to build a foundation.  Partners seek others with a similar degree of good looks, intelligence and education. Having common views on reproduction, social values and religion are other factors that couples look for in their future partner.  

Chemically, men and women fall in love in the same way.  The research indicates no discernible variance in how men and women's brains react to the neurotransmitters.  Dr. Fisher believes that women take longer to fall in love than men do.  Women need to see repeated behavior of their mate before they can fully trust them.  Did he fulfill on promises made? What has he done to make the partnership work? Once the woman is satisfied that she can trust her mate, then she can fall in love.

You can have sex with someone without being in love with them, but can having sex with them cause you to fall in love? Maybe, because genital stimulation drives up the domamine system of the brain which leads to happiness.  The more you have sex and orgasm, the more dopamine and oxytocin that is released, which increases happiness and attachment.  However, this is not a sure bet.  It isn't a great idea to think you will fall in love with any sex partner.  You should take more care into the person that focus your attention on.