20 Tips And Ways On How To Love Someone With All Your Heart

Loving someone unconditionally is a lot harder than you might think it would be.  This is the ultimate type of love because you are loving someone without expecting anything in return, and that is a gamble.  You do not want to be in a relationship where you are doing all of the giving.  That is not a healthy way to love unconditionally.  Here are some tips on how to love someone unconditionally and still maintain healthy boundaries.

Love is all about balance, and unconditional love in particular needs a healthy dose of balance.  There is a tendency to do everything within your power to make your other partner happy.  While this is noble, it is also exhausting and isn't a sustainable path.  If your partner always leaves his dirty clothes on the floor, you will find yourself always picking up after him because you do not want to live with dirty clothes on the floor.  You can ask him to pick up after himself, but if he doesn't you will do it, and this is okay as long as you are not doing everything.

In today's society, most partners work full time outside of the home.  If this is your relationship, make sure you are both dividing up the household chores.  Loving someone unconditionally does not mean that you have to do all of the work.  You are both going to be tired when you come home from your day job so daily chores should not fall to one person.  Come up with a fair and equitable plan that you both commit to.  You can each take a turn at cooking while the other does the cleanup.  The key to balance is that both partners agree to it.  If your partner doesn't feel he needs to participate in the chores, you will have to decide if that is the type of lifestyle you want to live.  There are no reasons partners cannot do their fair share of chores.

Loving someone unconditionally means that you will love them and their faults.  You would never say to someone that you won't love them unless they are perfect.  That is putting a limitation on love and isn't unconditional.  Even the most beautiful diamonds contain imperfections and the imperfection does not diminish the beauty.  The same is true for people.  Wanting perfection is truly an unattainable goal and is not realistic.  

There is a difference between accepting someone's faults and accepting intolerable behavior.  If your partner is painfully shy, that probably isn't going to change.  Maybe that is one of the traits you found adorable when you first met.  You have to learn to accept that he is going to be quiet and not so talkative in social situations.  You can encourage him to seek counseling if he is uncomfortable with his own behavior, but you cannot demand that he does so.  On the other hand, if your partner belittles you whenever you attempt to try something new and fail; that is unacceptable behavior.  Do not feel as if you need to sustain a relationship where you are ridiculed and devalued.  This is not a loving or healthy relationship and you should get out of it as soon as possible. 

Acknowledge that there will be ups and downs in the relationship.  No relationship will be perfect all of the time, so it is unrealistic to expect perfection.  Keep in mind that all relationships experience struggles, even though you may be thinking it is only you and your partner that hardships happen to.  Knowing that others also have been through rough patches will make you feel less alone and helpless.  There is no shame in reaching out to others to learn what their struggles are so you can see how they came out the other side and are okay.  Once you have gotten through the hard times, you will always remember that you rose above it together.  You have this shared experience that you will reflect upon in your future.

Being vulnerable is hard because you are opening up yourself to the possibility of getting hurt.  That is what love is.  You are honest with your partner to the point that you have expressed some of your deepest fears, hopes and dreams with them and you have to trust that they will never use this information to hurt you.  Ugh!  But, without risk there can be no reward.  Love is one of the greatest rewards we can ever receive, so you will need to drop the walls that surround your heart and see what comes your way.

Love is never jealous.  When you love someone, you need to give that person the freedom to be themselves.  That freedom may mean that they have other friendships with people who may take them away from you for some periods of time.  This is okay and this is normal.  Do not become jealous of time she spends with her friends.  She needs this time to unwind and explore these other relationships. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you when she is spending time with her friends.  When she comes back to you, she will feel more well-rounded having spent that time with her friends.  Be patient and never jealous.

Loving someone means loving all of them, even their bad habits.  You will need to accept the fact that you cannot change your love interest.  They are who they are and they shouldn't have to change for you to love them.  This doesn't mean that you have to love their bad habits, but you do need to be able to come to terms with the fact that this habit will probably be there forever.  People can only change if they want to change. They cannot change because you want them to.  

Let's say that your love bites his nails and you don't like that habit.  Trust me, he knows he bites his nails so you do not need to point it out every time he does it.  If you see he is hiding his hands because he is embarrassed about his raggedy nails, acknowledge that.  "Honey, I notice that you are hiding your hands.  I'm sorry that you feel embarrassed about the way that your nails look.  You can get a manicure and they will be able to clean them up even if you bite them.  I just want you to be comfortable in your skin."  Something like that will make him realize that you love him, even though he is biting his nails.  

I'm not going to sugar coat this one.  It's tough and it will not be easy.  It is going to test your limits.  Trying to love someone you hate is a difficult task, but it can be done.

For whatever reason this person is so full of hate, recognize the fact that the hate is on them.  They have issues and problems in their life that make them a difficult human being.  You should not be blaming yourself for this unhealthy relationship that you find yourself in with this person.  

Turning the other cheek is difficult, but if you can learn to let the hate roll off your back, you will feel much better about the time you have to spend with this person.  If you have a difficult parent or sibling, you will have to learn to get along with them.  Being kind in the face of hate is hard, but you would be best served if you do not fall victim to the hatred.  

If someone doesn't like you and is filled with hate, it is not your fault.  Examine the context from where the hate is emanating.  Those consumed with hate usually are unhappy with their lives and strike out when they see others who are happier or more successful than they are.  

Let them know that you are there to talk or listen.  Understand that they may not be ready or even able to do this, but you must reach out so that they know you care.  Make sure you check in with them a few times a day.  If you do not live together, that means you need to call a few times a day or send text messages.  Don't be surprised or annoyed if they do not answer the call or text.  Remember, they may not be up to it and that is okay. 

You are there to let them know that you care about the through this difficult time.  When they are ready, they will reach out.  Your job is to let them know that you are thinking about them.  Don't make the message about the fact that they have not called you back.  You are checking in and asking if there is anything they need for you to bring them or do for them.

You will have to do a lot of the heavy lifting for a while.  You may have to be both mom and dad to the kids while your partner is seeking help.  This means you will be doing the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, scheduling etc.. that will keep life as normal as possible for everyone else in the household, including you.  This is vital because you want to ensure that the kids have as normal a schedule as they used to have while your partner is recovering.

When you are in a relationship with someone who suffers from depression, you will need to find a support system for yourself.  Your relationship can wear you down and in order for you to continue being supportive of your partner, you have to maintain your happiness.  Make plans to connect with your friends at least once a week.  Being a caretaker of someone with a mental illness is all consuming so you will have to take a moment for yourself.  It is okay to hang out with your friends to catch up on their lives and have a few drinks and apps to take a break.  There are support groups for caretakers, and these groups can be enormously helpful.

Whatever you do, do not attempt to offer medical advice. You are not a doctor and the unwanted advice will not be viewed in a positive light.  Accept the diagnosis of depression and do your research on the topic to learn as much about the illness as you can.  A good resource for you is NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness.  The organization offers education on mental illness, so it is an excellent place to begin.

Being compassionate is the best way to show your love.  Be understanding of how your partner feels and what it is that they are going through.  It does no one any good to chastise someone with depression for laying in bed all day.  They cannot help it  They are depressed and aren't able to face the world.  

In general, love is easy.  It is not difficult to love someone who already loves you.  No, you won't love everything about a person, but when there is more positive than negatives, and they make you feel good and whole, then you should pursue a loving relationship with them.  Remember that all love relationships have moments of struggle, but you can navigate those waters together and become a stronger couple.