Are You Dating A Man With A Needy Man Syndrome?
When it comes to relationships, men are usually the ones complaining about clingy women. But now you're afraid that the tables are reversed and you're the one who's always complaining about his clinginess and how it's making the relationship hard to maintain. Maybe you're dating a man with a Needy Man Syndrome? Have you heard of that one before? We'll get you the facts so you can make your own assessment.
It's natural to depend a little bit on others for emotional support, the trouble starts when that dependency absorbs the whole of you. There's a psychological disorder for this kind of neediness, it's called Dependent Personality Disorder and one of its signs is this chronic reliance on others to fulfill your emotional needs and even physical needs.
Has your boyfriend's behavior been dependent and even submissive just so it has elicited in you a caregiving behavior? Is he clinging on to you more than ever? Has this been progressive or has his behavior's been like this from the beginning? Diagnosing a personality disorder is difficult and controversial because there's a blurred line between how one person expresses his personality and when that behavior borders or trespasses into harmful territory.
It's hard to define with absolute certainty what neediness is. It can show up in a variety of different behaviors, like desperation or nagging, or self-centeredness. It can be intertwined with other qualities like clinginess or perfectionism.
Just a quick reminder, a confident and self-oriented man has needs, on the contrary, a co-dependent and insecure man is going to be needy. You can be dating a needy man if he expresses his neediness in any of this two forms.
Neediness because he's always seeking your approval
Among other things, neediness is in some way implying that (in this case you) are generally better than him. It diminishes his power of making any decision and immediately shifts the power to you. If your boyfriend is being needy, he's seeking your approval to reassure himself that everything's OK. Is this what he does on a regular basis? We bet it's becoming off-putting and exhausting and your respect for him is diminishing.
Neediness because he's seeking your attention
Healthy narcissism, we all come with it and it benefits from positive attention. It stops being normal when it becomes pathological, in his desire to be reinforced he seeks an excessive amount of attention from you. By being needy he's subtly and sometimes unconsciously demanding your attention, an attention he hasn't earned.
Signs Of A Needy Being In A Relationship That You Should Look Out For
Is your boyfriend a guy who can't let go or one who acts like a lost puppy, or one who's always demanding your attention? It may seem harmless at the beginning, maybe you were looking for someone who really needed you and when you met him and started dating you said, "Yes! He needs me". But now it's becoming a problem because he's always looking for your approval, he doesn't do anything before checking first with you.
We bet you're becoming annoyed and the rose-tinted glasses you were wearing at the beginning of the relationship have lost their color. He has become a burden. Maybe the signs were there and you didn't pay attention or you weren't aware that there are signs to identify needy men. We'll give you some tips to deal with your needy man later on, but for now here are some signs to look out for so you don't end up dating a needy man.
1. He never spends times with his friends
How long ago was it since he has gone out with the guys? Does he cancel plans with his friend to hang with you? He's not going to hang with them as much as when he was single but if he's barely seen them since you started dating, could be he's a clingy man. If he's always around you, shrinking his life to only include you, that's a good sign of neediness in a relationship.
2. He begs or bargains for your time
Does he usually beg, bargain or even blackmail you into giving him more or your time? That's an unhealthy way of wanting to spend time with you and is a clear sign of neediness. He's giving you all the power by tacitly admitting that you're the one to determine how and how much time you spend together.
3. He's always saying how he misses you
It's nice being missed, right? It makes you feel special. It becomes tiresome when apart from him being around you all day, the hours or days he's not, he's flooding you with calls or messages saying how much he misses you, how he hates that you can't be together all the time and cannot wait to see you again. If it has reached a point where you find him annoying instead of sweet, then you're dealing with a needy man.
4. He's flooding your social media
He kind of stalks you on your social media accounts. He goes into your every post and images and starts liking them all or leaving comments everywhere demanding your attention. He even requests that you change your status and that you include photos of the two of you together. It has gotten to a point where you are tempted to block him out of everything digital.
5. He's argumentative all the time just to hear himself win
Is it pleasant being around someone who's always debating everything? We bet it's not. Neediness can also show in this way, he's going to extreme measures to get your attention and he's really concerned of what you think but not in a good way. It's like you're his audience not his girlfriend and that's exhausting and it's draining all your energy.
6. He's overwhelming you with top gestures
It's wonderful when he does something romantic for you, something to make you happy, right? The problem is that he's taking it too far, he's not only picking up the check and bringing you gifts, but it also seems like he's trying to "buy" your affection and attention with all these top gestures. That's a sure sign of neediness in a relationship.
7. He always keeps in touch
He's always calling you or texting you and he's constantly sending you messages to know how you are and what are you doing and asking if you're thinking about him because he is. He needs to be in touch with you, to feel secure that you're there and that you're not having a good time without him.
How To Deal With A Needy Being In A Relationship
If you're dealing right now with a needy man and want to some way remedy the situation, you have two options: you either stop dating him or find ways to help him overcome his neediness. It's not that he's a bad person, but staying in the relationship as things are right now, could prove very difficult for you. It threatens to consume too much of your energy, so before that happens it couldn't hurt to learn to deal with your needy man.
What can you do to try to alleviate the situation and make it better for you and for him? Take note of this advice.
1. It's going to take time and patience
The first thing you need to acknowledge is that is going to take a lot of time and that it would require a lot of work from your part. If you really love him, you may be inclined to go the extra mile. You could seek help from an expert to guide you in the steps necessary to help him.
2. Set clear and healthy boundaries
As soon as possible take a stand and set some healthy boundaries with your boyfriend. Explain to him the importance of spending an equal amount of time together and apart. This time apart could mean either alone or with friends and family. You need to make this balance in shared time a norm and be very strict about it. This would help set a good pattern for your relationship.
3. Encourage him to pick a hobby, to have his own life
It's not going to be easy, but you could explain to him the benefits of having a "me time". Encourage him to pick a hobby, to take a class in some work-related thing, to go to the gym. The point here is that he understands that having his own thing will benefit your relationship in the long run.
4. Address the issue clearly
You need to be assertive when something's botherng you, for example, his constant texting or calling. You don't need to be hurtful about it, you just have to address the issue in a way that he gets it. You probably haven't said anything to him about his clinginess and you should because otherwise, he may not be aware that he's being needy and that his neediness is seriously affecting the relationship.
5. Suggest professional help
If you're keen on helping him get better or overcome his neediness, but you think taking the task all by yourself is proving to be a bit much, suggest he seek help from a professional. A professional can help him discover the source of his neediness and the steps he needs to take to get better and overcome it.
Dealing with a needy man in a relationship is exhausting and sometimes annoying. You have a big decision to make, but first, be sure that you're really into him because the reason for you perceiving him as needy may be that you're not that into him. If you are and want to give it try, then follow the advice we provided before and if that doesn't work, seek help for both of you.