The Tremendous Amount of Heartbreak You Get
Being cheated on is awful, it comes with a bunch of negative emotions that you won’t wish on your worst enemy. You feel anger, shame, helplessness, guilt, rejection, sadness, etc. it feels like you’re overwhelmed by a sudden wave of uncontrollable emotions. Simply put, it is one of the most heart-breaking experiences a person could ever go through.
When someone goes through this, if appropriate measures are not taken to heal properly it will affect the rest of their life. Trauma from this ordeal will follow you until you deal with it properly.
The only way to heal and move past this is to accept what has happened, own your feelings about it, get the necessary support and pick yourself up piece by piece.
Anything short of this will impact your future relationships in a very negative way.
Being cheated on is something you can't control, so you should focus on what you can, which is how you respond to such betrayal. You can’t stop the hurt you feel even though it sucks, but you can keep stress, anxiety, and depression at bay.
So, what do you do? You do everything you can to heal and build your self-esteem, follow these steps we’ve put together to cheer yourself up as you move on from a cheating partner.
9 Ways To Instantly Cheer Yourself Up
1. Spend time doing activities you love
In times like this, the last thing you feel like doing is having fun, you’d rather crawl in bed and sleep through your pain but that's a sure road to anxiety and depression. To cheer yourself up, you need to get out of the house and do something you love. Activities that make you happy, anything from watching a movie, shopping, traveling, hiking, dancing or taking an art or cooking class. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as it’s something you enjoy. The goal here is to nurture and take care of yourself so that you get to heal properly.
2. Set goals for getting back on track
People tend to fall back into old bad habits after being cheated on, you stop exercising, eating healthy or taking care of yourself. In order not to be a victim of this wave of neglect, set goals that help you become an even better version of yourself. Set goals that are beneficial to your personal growth and build your confidence and self-esteem. Opt for smaller goals so that when they eventually add up, you feel accomplished. Feelings of success contribute greatly in boosting your self-esteem and speeds up the healing process.
3. Learn a new skill
After a traumatic experience such as infidelity, you’re filled with anger and frustration, a lot of emotions spiral through your body with waves of energy. If you can channel that pent up anger and energy into learning a new skill, you can get amazing results.
You could learn a new language, a new skill set or something you’ve always wanted to do. See this as an opportunity to reinvent yourself and tap into a whole new side of your personality.
4. Read a self-help book about being cheated on
Self-help books have been known to help people get through tough times, use a good self-help book as a guide to help you rebuild yourself after being cheated on.
It will give you clarity on certain issues and help you better understand your emotions and what you’re going through.
5. Remind yourself that breaking up was for the best
It has been proven that a person who cheats once is likely to cheat again, so walking away from a relationship in which you’ve been betrayed is for the best. Cheating portrays a lack of consideration for the needs of others and a degree of insensitivity. Trust me you do not want to go through life with such a person by your side, they’ll put themselves and their needs before yours every time. Keeping this in mind will help you move on and heal.
6. Hit or destroy something.
When someone cheats on you, there’s always an urge to inflict the same amount of pain you feel on them, as tempting as it maybe it’s not a good idea, hitting your boyfriend with a frying pan might be temporarily satisfying but it won’t help you heal. Instead of being violent, you could sign up for boxing and kickboxing classes. Take up baseball or tennis, physical activity has a way of releasing our negative emotions and making us feel stronger.
7. Avoid rumination.
Replaying every action and conversation in your relationship to see where you went wrong or what you should have done differently is inevitable when a relationship comes to an end as a result of infidelity. But this is very destructive, you’re better off not reviewing everything that happened in the past. It is very difficult, of course, but try not to think about it as much as you can so that your mood is not affected. Keep busy and let time do what it does best: Heal.
8. Get support from friends and family.
You need the support of your friends and family more than you know, if you don’t feel like talking about it or confiding in them it’s okay. Just spend time with them and feed on the positive energy you can get only from those who love you. You may feel like curling up on the couch by yourself but that will make you feel worse. Positive sources of support are vital to helping you get over a broken heart.
9. Stay off social media.
Logging onto social media platforms such as Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter after a cheating ex is not a good idea. Take some time off social media, do a cleanse for a few days. Seeing your ex with his new girlfriend pop up when you go online could lead to depression. Social media has a way of making us feel inadequate on a normal day, imagine the damage it can cost when you’re at your lowest. When you get back on after your detox period, unfollow your ex and block him/her on all platforms.
How To Pick Yourself Up
1. Stop blaming yourself
After being cheated on, you tend to blame yourself for what went wrong, you tell yourself `` I wish I had done more of this or that’’ but it’s not true. A person who cheats is solely responsible for their actions, it’s their choice and they’re alone to blame. Stop blaming yourself and making excuses for your ex.
Write down all the positive things you did for your partner, the sacrifices you made and how you gave yourself in your relationship, focus on these things when you start doubting yourself. Remind yourself that you did everything you could and that you’re not to blame.
2. Get closure
Though you don’t have to dwell on what happened, for you to make a clean break and get closure, you need to rationally evaluate why things didn’t work out. Getting closure is the hardest part of the healing process. If possible have an honest conversation with your partner about why he cheated. This will help you move on and turn a new page.
3. Cut ties with your ex
The only way to move on is to completely cut ties with your ex, sever every connection you have with them even on social media. Remaining friends is not an option, they chose to cheat and hurt you, they shouldn’t be part of your life anymore if you decide so. Cutting all ties sends a clear message that you won’t tolerate what they did. It also gives you the much needed time and space to pick yourself up and move on.
4. Take time to mourn
When a loved one dies the natural process of healing is to mourn your loss, being cheated on is no different, it triggers a mourning process too. No one has died but you’ve lost faith, trust and confidence in someone you love and that is very painful. The brain feels pain the same way it doesn’t matter what the cause of your heartbreak is.
Take the time you need to mourn properly, don’t try to suppress your pain and emotions, accept and deal with them actively. Allow the experience to take it’s course without interfering, just feel. Carve time in your daily schedule to feel and heal until you’re able to pick yourself up.
5. Get back out there.
Keep in mind that there are great guys out there and that one bad experience should not stop you from finding the right person. It’s scary to date again after being cheated on but it’s something you have to do. Never make the mistake of becoming bitter and writing all men off. Take your time and ease back into dating, there’s no need to rush things, keep an open mind and get to know people.
We know it’s easier said than done but your only chance of not giving your ex the satisfaction of ruining your future relationships is to heal properly. Let your revenge be to build yourself back up into a better person. See heartbreak as an opportunity to start over, putting your best foot forward. You should also note that not all relationships come to an end after one partner cheats. Depending on the circumstances, you and your partner could decide to work things out and give your love another shot. There’s no hard and fast rule here, you have to do what works for you and makes you happy. Good Luck!