Greysexual: What does it mean and how do you identify?

Find out about this ambiguous term and how to identify with it

Greysexual: What does it mean and how do you identify?

What is Greysexual?

Sexuality is the way people get attracted to other people romantically. You start experiencing sexuality of some sort as soon as you enter adolescence. One might mistake it for emotions not related to sex; just an attraction or infatuation in a platonic way. But in some cases, it becomes so intense that even thinking about a particular person can cause an arousal. The hormonal changes during puberty are responsible for the feelings of sexuality and these feelings vary from person to person. The sexual attraction towards the opposite sex, same-sex or mixed sexes is called sexual orientation. 

It is natural to feel sexually attracted to any sex, more than one sexes or no sex at all. Greysexual or graysexual means a feeling of little to no sexual attraction towards either type of sex. It is the grey area between white and black sexual attraction. Greysexual is also termed as gray-A, gray-ace or gray asexuality; so if you have heard any of these terms, they mean the same. 

Greysexual vs Asexual  

Greysexuality falls somewhere between asexuality and sexuality. Greysexual people may or may not fall in love, experience arousal, have orgasm, masturbate, get married and have children but they have little to no interest in sex. They are not excited about having sex and feel better off without the involvement of sex in the relationship. They have characteristics from both sides of the scale of the sexual orientation but they are tilted more towards asexuality. Where an asexual person finds no attraction in sex, a person with grey sexual orientation may have sex but may not find pleasure in it.  

How to Identify if You Are a Greysexual?    

Whether you like women, men, both or none it is simply a matter of preference. Being bisexual, homosexual, heterosexual, asexual or grey sexual doesn’t make you a lesser human; it only defines which side of the spectrum you fall when it comes to sexual preference. With your friends dating men and women and you still unable to find out where on the scale you fall for your sexual orientation, you need to read on. This article will help you identify whether you are a grey sexual or not. 
Mentioned below are some characteristics that only a grey sexual person will have.

1. You are neither sexual nor asexual

Finding the same-sex or opposite-sex attractive is natural and having no interest in either is also natural but if you are unable to decide where you stand on sexuality scale it means you are somewhere in between. The middle area between sexuality and asexuality is grey sexuality where people who cannot label themselves as either belongs. There was a time when people who could not identify themselves as sexual or asexual felt outcasted but now they share characteristics with a group of people who call themselves grey sexual.

2. You feel sexuality less often

There are people who feel sexually active and inactive in their lives because of several reasons. Tiredness, fatigue, depression, a difficult phase in life, disease and certain other factors can be some of the reasons behind a person’s less active sexual life. If a person is not sexually active and has no obvious reason to back his lack of sexual engagement it means that he falls into the category called greysexual. He might feel the need to have sex but very less often.

3.  You are more into platonic relationships

You have male and female friends and you are very close to them but when it comes to sexuality, you don’t see any of your friends from that point of view. You may have common interests, an emotional and spiritual connection with a special someone but when it comes to having sex, you don’t take it as a priority; this platonic love that does not lead to a physical relationship is a sign that you are greysexual. 

4. You have a lower sex drive

A lower sex drive, in most cases, does not mean that a person is not interested in having sex altogether. There are days when one might feel low and down due to increased work pressure, break up, stress or some physical ailment. The need to have sex improves when the person gets out of difficult life situations. If a person feels low most of the time when it comes to sexuality and this lowered sex drive is because of no reason besides you don’t want to have sex, it means you are greysexual. You don’t need to be single to be a greysexual; even married men and women who don’t look forward to a romantic night with their partner fall into this category. 

5. You prefer making out than making love

Where, in case of straight sexuality, holding hand leads to kissing and people end up having sex anywhere; greysexual people will never hold hands to have sex eventually. It doesn’t mean that they won’t get intimate; it is just that their physical intimacy will be limited to holding hands, kissing, cuddling but will not lead to sex. Just looking at your past history of intimate minus sex relationships will help you categorize yourself as greysexual. 

6. You prefer emotionality over sexuality

We all need someone in our life who understands our emotional needs. The reason we get in a relationship is to have someone who understands us and loves us and be there in the ups and downs of life. While some people require a combination of sexual and emotional needs fulfilled by their partners, some are good enough even when only their emotional requirements are satisfied. These greysexual people can live without sexual intercourse if their intellectual, emotional and spiritual needs are met.

7. You don’t need a label for your sexuality

Where most people need to identify themselves as straight, hetero or bisexual, it doesn’t matter for greysexual people to stand in the queue of a specific group. They don’t find it necessary to label themselves when it comes to sexual orientation. Since they are least interested in having sex, they don’t care what people call them or how they should define their sexual preference. I think this is the only reason are sexuality came as a separate label quite late. The people who could not identify themselves as sexual or asexual fall into this category which lies somewhere in between.

8. You are unsure about your sexuality

It is not necessary that you remain the way you are throughout your life; that is greysexual. If today you don’t find sexually attractive, you may find it vital in the coming days. You might have felt being sexual at one time or totally detached at some other; this inconsistency is because you are unsure about your sexuality. There is no need to worry if you have felt so in your life. Greysexuality is for all those who have felt this way at one time or another in their lives. Gone are the days of just black and white of sexuality; embrace your grey with pride.     

What is Next?

People have massively opened up about their sexual preferences over a period of time. It took years for cultures, societies and religions to accept these preferences but still, there are certain areas that are in the dark and yet to come out. From adolescence to adulthood and beyond, a person goes through various phases of sexuality. They may or may not face prejudice and discrimination but identifying themselves as part of a specific group is very crucial. 

Since most types of sexual orientation have been defined, the next thing might be sexual fluidity. It encompasses all those who find it difficult to label themselves under one category or another. Since human beings are dynamic and versatile beings, it is possible for them to go through different phases and exhibit different traits. People feel a change in their sexual identity every couple of years. Sexual fluidity allows people to identify themselves according to their latest preferences without judging them. It allows fluctuation in sexual preference and frees you from strict labels. You can be bisexual, heterosexual and even asexual in your life and it is ok.    

Related Article: Am I Asexual: 15 Facts You Should Know To Find Out
Am I Asexual: 15 Facts You Should Know To Find Out

There are different kinds of sexual orientations in humans and asexuality is one. Here is how you know if you are an asexual being.


Greysexual was considered an ambiguous term but not anymore. It has been accepted as a well-identified area between black and white of sexual orientation. It allows people to be sexual and asexual at the same time and none at the other. If you have been finding it difficult to identify yourself as to where you belong on the sexuality spectrum, grey sexuality is the region where you belong. Mentioned above are some markers that will help you identify whether you belong in the group or not. It is ok to experience sexuality very rarely even if you are romantically involved with someone. Sexuality and romance are different and romance should not be judged through the frequency of sexual activity. You can always love someone without needing sexual intercourse and that makes you a greysexual.  


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