Dealing with Distance- Boyfriend is Moving Away

Whether distance can kill a relationship or not depends on a few things. The distance cannot kill a relationship by itself. If the relationship wasn’t that strong, to begin with, distance can be the final blow that kills it. If the girlfriend and boyfriend are 100% committed and ready to make it work, the distance will only bring them a lot closer. To be precise, the distance will either weaken the bond or strengthen it depending on the will-power and intention of both parties to stay together.

A long-distance relationship is when two people are committed to loving and staying loyal to each other even when they aren’t living close enough to frequently meet or go on dates.

I won’t lie. Long-distance relationships fail more than 70% of the time. Here are a few reasons why this happens.

Insecurity kills love whether in a long-distance relationship or not. The duo of distance and insecurity is just a bad combination for a relationship. Insecurities will become the basis of distrust in a relationship that will give rise to arguments and fights. When insecurities aren’t managed, communicated, and solved – long-distance relationships fail.

This isn’t a very common reason for the failure of LDR but this indeed is one that makes things a lot more difficult. Financial problems mean that you cannot just fly out to your girl or vice versa whenever you want or even after long chunks of time. Misunderstandings that just cannot be solved without the presence of the other half becomes the reason for the relationship crumbling. Let’s take into account the sexual needs too which might become a reason for infidelity.

LDR calls for a lot of commitment and a strong drive on both ends to make it work. If one or both parties are convinced that the bond just isn’t that strong and it isn’t worth going through all the complications that are accompanied by distance, LDR fails.

When a couple is dealing with distance for a very long period, there may come a phase where instead of looking for the digital dates or calls, it starts feeling like a chore on your to-do list. If not handled properly, LDR fails.

Long-distance isn’t easy and it tests the emotional intelligence of both. If one or both of the people aren’t mature enough to tackle those tests, LDRs fail.

The fact that insignificant problems can feel inflated because of distance is another issue that couples in an LDR have to tackle. Hence, both of them need to work on ways to resolve communication. Distance makes a couple feel like their fight against each other when in reality they are a team fight the issue. When a couple forgets this and their conflict resolution is poor, long-distance relationships fail.

Communication and effort is the only thing that holds a relationship up regardless of the distance. When the distance is in the equation, you need to 100x them both to get a favorable result. Unfortunately, some couples fail to do that and just stop putting in the effort to keep things going. This is one of the most common reasons why distance kills relationships.

I’m a firm believer that not giving up on a bond and brainstorming ways to come out stronger is what keeps a relationship going. To help you out, the following are a few effective tips on surviving long-distance relationships.

Can you imagine how couples made long-distance work 2-3 decades ago? Well, the takeaway is that, if even a single couple survived LDR in that period, you certainly can in this one. It is okay if you cannot go to movies together, but you can sure do a Netflix Party in your PJs on a video call! Or maybe surprise your partner by ordering them food where they live and for yourself in your house, ask them to get wine and light candles – for added effect, you can both dress up too! Sure these aren’t like real dates but it has its essence. The tip is to plan activities likes to keep the spark going.

Be honest and as clear as possible about everything that’s going on in your life. You want to keep your relationship safe from a misunderstanding at all costs because clearing up those while away from each other isn’t an easy task. Once distrust and suspicion take over, surviving long-distance becomes hard. The best thing to do is be honest and leave no room for mistrust right from the beginning.

I cannot stress enough about how important communication is in LDR. Know that it will be hard to keep up with each other’s schedule but make up your mind that the both of you will go out of the way if need be so that communication isn’t compromised.

There will be times when giving up will seem a lot easier than going on with the relationship. For times like these, prepare a box or anything that reminds you of what you’re fighting for. That reminds you that the pain that you’re in right now is insignificant when compared with the joy you’ll feel when both of your survive LDR. See the bigger picture always. It will give you the strength of pushing through the rough times.

If distance just isn’t the barrier you’re ready to face, you need to break up with him in a healthy way. Don’t make the mistake of letting the relationship drag on just to avoid the awkward conversation that is to follow. There are chances that he might be feeling the same way. Tell him that you love him and you’re not breaking up because of him but you just cannot deal with the distance. Talk to your boyfriend and he will understand where you’re coming from.

If you don’t take extra care of the chemistry you share with him, the spark might be in danger. To save you from experiencing that, here are a few ways to maintain the spark from dying out:

Sexual needs are one of the major aspects of a committed relationship. Distance poses a great danger to the sexual life of the couple. To keep things spicy, sexting is what will save you. A naughty text here a sexy picture there can excite him throughout the day and make him look forward to the video call that night. Turn to sexting when you feel the spark is fading.

Other than the sexual life, people need to feel loved and cared for. When you’re not around to give him kisses and hugs, replace those with gifts, cards, or small surprises. This exchange will surely play an important role in maintaining that spark in your relationship.

Harsh times will make you question a lot of things – including the kind of bond your share with him; “is it strong enough”, “is this all for nothing”. Converse with him when you’re having these thoughts otherwise that spark will be replaced with confusion and the demise of this beautiful bond will begin.

You need to be constantly reminded of how amazing you feel in each other’s presence. To be reminded, plan visits as many and as often as possible. Every visit will make you cherish each other more and every time you say goodbye, you’ll have a newfound motivation and the spark stronger than ever to fight till you meet again.

If you’re concerned about the impacts your boyfriend moving away will have on your relationship, it's okay. It’s normal to be worried about things you cherish. But if you cherish it enough to put in all the effort needed, the distance will not kill your relationship, and instead, it will strengthen it even more. If your heart is with each other, distance is merely an illusion. Just keep fighting for what you love!