My Husband's Porn Addiction: How to Navigate the Situation

Things to do when you discover that your husband is addicted

By Kimmy
My Husband's Porn Addiction: How to Navigate the Situation

What is Porn Addiction?

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Did you know, the total visits on porn sites are larger than the total number of visits to Amazon, Facebook, and Youtube combined? That gives you an idea of how porn is infiltrated most people's lives. Releasing our lust and desire in a healthy way can be done with porn. However, some struggle to find the balance and let porn dictate their lives.

Porn addiction is affecting the lives of many, usually more in men than women. Many are left untreated because they are too afraid to ask for help out of embarrassment.

As its name suggests, porn addiction means the uncontrollable desire to be addicted to porn. Whether you are at work or driving, you have an urge to go on porn sites. Furthermore, it damages marriage harmony because you will have real sex is not as good as porn, thus turning your partner away.

You may have noticed signs that your husband is addicted to porn but not sure where the problem lies and the magnitude of it. Read on to find out more and what you can do about your husband's addiction!

What Are Signs Of Porn Addiction?

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Signs of porn addiction are fairly obvious, especially when it's your husband. The first thing is the drop in sex drive, your husband is no longer interested in having regular sex with you and find all your sexy tricks boring. He'd rather spend his nights in a separate room watching porn. A clear sign that he has a porn addiction rather than he doesn't love you anymore is that he will still be there for you emotionally, he is just not interested in having sex with you. In his mind, porn sex is way better and no real-life sex can compare.

Another thing to pick up on is his lack of ability to perform daily tasks. You will see that something is constantly on his mind. At first, it may be unclear what is bothering him. After catching him watching porn secretly a few times, you will start to see his lack of focus is stemming from his desire to watch porn all the time.

One thing many wives of a porn addict husband has noted is that, unlike healthy men who admit to watching porn casually, a porn addict would never admit this. This is a red flag for many wives in retrospect, of how their husbands refused to admit they ever watch porn at all. The denial means he knows he is watching porn excessively. That's why he gets defensive when an innocent question is directed at the secret he wants to hide.

What Are The Effects Of Porn Addiction To A Family?

It could break up families. Sex is a huge component of marriage. Most wives believe it's normal for their husband to watch porn occasionally, but rarely would any be okay when porn takes over. A lack of sex between a couple will lead to many other problems. The wife will feel unattractive because the husband is not interested in her. When the husband is so addicted to porn that he fails to perform daily tasks, family harmony will only worsen.

Porn addiction has torn families apart. The husband is more interested in staring at a screen than to physically touch the wife. Frustrated wives have shared the worst is getting told by their children they found daddy watching porn while waiting for them in the car, or getting gossiped if your husband is caught watching porn at work. The embarrassment makes many wives want to give their husbands up.

How To Deal With A Husband Addicted To Porn

First, if you love your husband, do NOT leave him because of his addiction. Fight with him so he can be a healthy man again. Before you start thinking for him, think for yourself first. Know that his addiction is not because you are unattractive or boring. Don't hold that belief. Your husband's addiction doesn't make you a bad wife. Know that you are good enough and that's how you can help him.

If your husband has a porn addiction, like all other addictions, it's best to seek professional help. Some wives made the mistake of thinking they can get their husbands out of the addiction because it's sex-related, so only a wife can fix it. That's not true at all. Porn addiction is a psychological addiction, just like drug addiction or any other addictions, the genre of it doesn't make an ordinary person a therapist. Your husband doesn't need you to treat him, he needs a doctor. The best thing you can do for him is to urge him to seek help, and to go with him.

Be there for him but don't try to be the healing angel when you don't know what to do. That could only worsen his addiction and adds up to your frustration. Give your husband time to heal and get better. It will not be instant. It will take days, months, or even years. Don't expect your husband to come home one day and throw his porn subscription out of the window. The process will be gradual.

Unlike most other addictions, wives that have gone through it with their husband noted that the point is not to get him to stop watching porn forever, but to do it healthily and responsibly. That means it's still okay that in the end, your husband doesn't cut porn out of their life, but he will learn how to control it rather than letting it control you.

How Do You Help Someone Who Is Addicted To Porn?

Know that a porn addict will be too shy to ask for help. So don't ever make them feel bad by insinuating his addiction is a joke. Build up his confidence that many people have successfully come out of their addictions. All addictions are real and if he must feel embarrassed about it, channel that energy into finding a way to combat the addiction instead.

Create a safe space for him. Let him know you are not here to hurt him and he can share what he wants with you. Once you've gained his trust, encourage him to seek professional help to get the devil out of his mind.

Don't patronize him by saying this addiction is not serious. Acknowledge his addiction and encourage him to fight it. Be supportive and be the listener he needs. If things get out of control, get professional help for him even if he refuses to voluntarily. Don't try to be the hero to treat him, be the hero by sending him to the right people.

Treating Porn Addiction

There are many ways to treat porn addiction. Most therapists will go by dissecting the core issue of it, where the addiction stems from. If it's a relapse, what could've triggered it. By understanding the reasons, the core issue can be fixed. To many wives' surprise, most of their husband's addiction had nothing to do with them. It's not because of the disharmony in the marriage. A common reason takes the husband back to his teenage years, where he was enjoying the feeling of watching porn and masturbating. A bump in his career or a stressful time might have caused him to want to re-live the good times. Before he knew it, he was addicted to porn to escape.

After understanding the issue, the husband will be given advice and exercises to follow, to channel his misplaced stress. When he finds a proper way to express his feelings, he won't feel the need to be dependent on porn.

Since addiction is a psychological issue, a therapist will see if there's an underlying mental condition that might have contributed to this. If your husband is found to have mental issues, then other therapies or drugs might be given to treat it. But a lot of times, porn addiction is treated with counseling sessions and exercises only.

As mentioned before, it's common for the end of treating porn addiction to be consuming porn leisurely and responsibly, rather than throwing it out of the window. A therapist will help your husband understands that porn is a healthy way to release the desire if used properly. There's nothing bad about watching porn if you do it responsibly. Be aware of all those coaches demonizing porn because it will only make your husband feel worse. And porn has been proven scientifically to be good for health if consumed responsibly.

Related Article: Is Porn Considered as Cheating in Today's Digital World?
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Conclusion

Being a porn addict doesn't mean your husband is not interested in you. He has some misplaced feelings that need to be addressed. Talk to some doctors and therapists to get him the help he needs. Don't feel embarrassed about it or be embarrassed by him. Thousands of wives have gone through it with their husband and their relationships are now stronger than ever. Figure a way that feels the most comfortable and starts taking this issue seriously!

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