10 Signs He’s Not Just Fucking You But Actually Making Love to You

Figure out signs if your guy is using you for sex or making love in bed

By Daina
10 Signs He’s Not Just Fucking You But Actually Making Love to You

The Signs That Tell It’s Love-Making

When a relationship is new, or even sometimes when it’s weathered, it can feel like your man is not making love to you when you are having sex. After all, what does making love look like as opposed to just fucking you? There are telltale signs your guy isn’t just having sex with you in a carnal way, and he legitimately enjoyed making love to you last night.

Possibly you just met someone, and you are unsure whether he is only in it for the sex or if he is actually making love to you and genuinely cares about you. These signs will help you figure out whether your man is using you for sex or making love to you.

1. He's nervous about sex

If he’s showing signs of being nervous or scared, he’s actually making love to you, not just fucking you. Some signs of him being nervous or scared include he is shy, he is awkward - more than he would normally exhibit outside of the bedroom, and he is quiet. He is not confident and is not outwardly proud of anything bedroom-related. 

He could be nervous or scared for a number of reasons. He may be nervous about what you think of him or him not living up to what he thinks you expect. That means he cares about what you think and it is actually important to him. 

This is a sure sign he is making love to you. Another reason could be that he is scared he is going to mess up in some way. He is looking for things to be perfect, which means he is looking to make love with you. 

If he did not care about what you thought, if he is overly confident in his ability, or if he isn’t worried about messing up because he won’t be along around for much longer, so he figures it’s nothing to worry about. This is how you know he is looking for a casual relationship that includes sleeping with you, not making love.

2. He makes eye contact during sex

Another of the signs he is making love is eye contact. Eye contact says he is looking for your reactions, He wants to know if you’re bored, excited, in pain, or loving what he is doing. He cares about how you are doing. At the same time, he enjoys looking deep into your eyes while making love with you (sweet!).


You know for sure he looks into your eyes in a loving way when you are having sex if he compliments you on your eyes outside of the bedroom. He likes the way your eyes look, and this is an aspect he focuses on during sex. If he were just in the relationship for the sex, he would rather avoid eye contact, or focus mainly on sexual parts of you by constantly complimenting you on your breasts and paying more attention to your clit than he is you as a person.

3. He chooses his sex position carefully

The sex position is also key and can be signs for love-making. If he instantly starts hitting it from behind, he may not be making love to you. Eye contact during such an intimate moment as sex is what happens when there’s love at play. Missionary position and cowgirl are positions that are most enjoyed with the most amount of eye contact. 

Even if you enjoy doggy style, he will find some way to show his affection for you. For example, he may bend over and kiss your back. Or, he may have you lay on your stomach rather than on your hands and knees so he could be on top of you, his body cradling you while making love. In this position, you can turn your head and make eye contact with him. He also has easy access to kiss your cheek, another sign that he loves you.

4. He will kiss you

During sex, the difference between a casual fuck and making love is in a kiss. Kissing is often considered too intimate for something casual and no personal connections. If the man in your life is avoiding intimate affection such as kissing (on the lips, kissing your cheek, etc.), then he may not see sex as making love. This is a man who just wants something casual. 

A guy who is making love to you will kiss you. He will kiss your lips, your cheek, your back, your neck, your ear, your forehead - anything to show you he cares about you.

Related Article: 14 Obvious Signs He's In Love With You But Does Not Admit It
14 Obvious Signs He's In Love With You But Does Not Admit It
 Most men are bad with little details and are often pretty forgetful. 

5. He goes slow

@kissi_boo / Instagram

Slow and steady wins the race. Slow sex also indicates that your man truly cares about you and wants to make sure to take his time. If he’s going slow, he's passionate about this moment, and he wants to make it last. If a man is just fucking you, he is going fast to get to the end result - him getting off. Going slow also allows him to show his passion for you, making the passion the focus of your sex rather than the pounding and immediate gratification.

6. He makes sure you finished and enjoyed it

The theme of these signs is that anything he can do to show you he cares, he is making love to you. If he finishes before you and makes sure you are satisfied too, then he cares. If he finishes and ends the session right then and there, then he is just using you for the sex, and he does not truly love you. 

Think back to the last time you were sleeping with him. If he immediately ended sex once he was done without checking to see if you had enjoyed it or not, then his intention isn’t love-making.

7. He asks you what you want and actually does it

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If your man asked what he could do for you and grants your wishes, that means he enjoyed pleasuring you and wanted to make you happy. A man that just wants to fuck you does not care for you on this level. 

When a guy is making love to you when he finds out what you like and does it, not just once, but continuously.

8. There is foreplay...and it is focused on you

Foreplay is essential in making love. However, it shows he is looking to make love with you if he focuses foreplay on you. This means he is not just worried about his pleasure, but he cares about your pleasure as well. 

Foreplay is two-ways, so this is not to say that it should be all about you - don’t get offended if he expects a little something from you.

9. He wants to cuddle and sleep next to you afterwards

@loversdiary143 / Instagram

Not only does he want to spend time warming you up before sex, but he also wants to cuddle with you afterward. A guy that is making love to you is not going just to hit it and quit it. He wants to spend time with you, before and after. 

When the sex is done, it means something to him if he opens his arms to you to cuddle up with him. If he immediately gets out of bed to take a shower or get dressed, then he was doing it simply to get off and not to make love. 

Part of a great love-making session is cuddling and sleeping next to him afterward.

10. He can sleep next to you and not have sex with you

If your guy is fine spending the night with you without feeling you up or getting you to touch him, when you do have sex, he is making love. This means sex is important to him and it is meant as something special between you two, something to be shared on occasion and not all the time.

Signs of Making Love Versus Casual Sex

@kissi_boo / Instagram

In the end, you need to use your best judgment when it comes to determining if your guy is just fucking you or is making love. What he does says a lot more about his intentions than what he says to you. 

Maybe you both agreed to keep it casual, and you want to be able to tell if he is falling for you, or maybe you’ve been with him for a while and want to tell if he is making love to you. Regardless of your situation, these ten signs will help you determine if he is just fucking you or if he is actually making love to you. 

Despite the nature of the intimate connection - be smart, make good choices and remember casual sex is never really just casual. 

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