Finding the ideal life partner is challenging it itself. When you throw children from an earlier relationship into the equation, it can get a whole lot complex. However, it doesn’t have to be that way.
If you know in your heart that the woman you love is the one for you, her having children from a previous relationship should really not matter at all. In fact, they can help bring in another dimension into your relationship and make it even more rewarding.
10 Things to note when you are accepting and being in a relationship with a woman with kids
So the woman you’ve chosen to spend your life with is a single mum. If it wasn’t a deal breaker for you when you started dating her initially, surely you are more or less ready for this now? Keep the following ten things in mind and you should be okay.
You will have to know that when you start dating a woman with kids she will already have her priorities. The first one will always be her kids, and you and your relationship, will always come second. If you can’t handle that thought right at the onset then maybe it’s a bad idea to embark on a romantic relationship with a single mom.
2. Not Casual
You will have to realize that if you’re looking for just a fling then a single parent is not the right fit for you. When a single mum allows you to meet her kid, you can guarantee that it is a tremendous sign of approval from her and the relationship as far as she is concerned just turned dead serious.
3. New responsibilities
You should bewilling to take on new responsibilities as you may get more and more involved in the children’s lives. Make room in your life for things such as going and watching a kid’s soccer game instead of a romantic rendezvous with just your lady.
You will need to understand that having a kid or kids may cause delays or changes in your date plans at any time. This unfortunate circumstance could be anything from a sick kid to a last-minute cancellation by the babysitter.
Accept your unique position in your partner’s life. Look for ways to have fun with the family and be prepared for things that disturb your equilibrium such as an unexpected outburst or a temper tantrum.
6. Coping with the Ex
This will be the one that will most probably disturb you the most; especially if you’re the jealous or possessive kind. Although easier said than done, try to remember that your date’s ex and not you are the child’s father, and his word or decision will be the final one where the kids are concerned.
Bear in mind that that relationship has ended for good and it is you she has chosen to be with now.
7. Do not take sides
If your date and the ex-have a confrontation or differing opinions on something related to the kids then be wise and withhold judgment or opinion, unless you are specifically asked. Most times she may just needing someone a listening ear. Throwing your two cents in may only complicate an already complex situation.
8. Don’t force your relationship with the kids
At any time do not push for acceptance by the kids. They already have a dad and they most probably are not looking for someone to replace him; the best thing you can be right now is to be a friend. That in itself is very rewarding. Be the kind of person they want to be with. Respect their dad and they will in time learn to respect and accept you. Just be patient.
9. Losing the kids
This is a difficult one, but happens more often than it should. You should bear in mind at all times, that if your relationship with your partner breaks down then you may lose your relationship with the kids as well. This can be turn out to be quite painful for you.
10. It’s all or nothing
When your date decides to introduce you to her kids as her love interest, you can take it as a sign that she is in it with you for the long haul. If the idea doesn’t thrill you or fill your heart with happiness then maybe it is time to be honest about your feelings and talk to your date about it.
The advantages of dating a woman with kids
The following are some of the advantages you will have when you date a single mom.
1. Ready-made family
You get a ready-made family when you date a single mom. For many men, who didn’t have kids especially when they start dating later in life, this can be a definite blessing.
2. Responsible financially
Single mums are generally very prudent with their money on account of having the responsibility of a kid. No frivolous spending for them on account or a pre-scheduled budget. If this is what attracts to you in a woman, this fact alone is a boon.
3. Long-term relationship
With kids in the picture you can guarantee that this is not going to be a revolving door relationship where you will be just in and out after a short time. You are in it for the long haul, which should give you a great deal of comfort as to where you stand in your relationship.
4. An idea of the kind of mother she is
If you’re having the intention of spending your life with your love, then you will get a firsthand look into the kind of momma your woman is. How a person interacts with children, especially their own, speaks volumes of the kind of person they are.
5. Serious relationship with you
Dating a single mom always puts you in an exalted position as they have accepted you and trusted you enough to accept you into her and her children’s lives. You should be proud and accept it for the great compliment that it is.
The disadvantages of dating a woman with kids
Now that we’ve looked into some of the advantages, let’s look at the other side of the coin i.e. the disadvantages.
1. You will always come in second
You know it, you just have to learn to live with it. This really depends on how mature you are as a person. Understanding and accepting that the kids will always come first with your lady-love, will take you far into the relationship.
2. Not as fancy free
If you’re looking for impromptu nights out, iron-clad date plans and movie nights then you will have to accept early on that a single mum has a lot of responsibilities towards her kid that may get in the way and derail your romantic plans.
3. Dealing with the ex
As with all situations where kids are involved, co-parenting requires both the parents to interact more often than otherwise. Be prepared to have more interactions with your partner’s ex than you would like. This may be especially challenging if you don’t like your date’s ex too much.
4. The kids may not like you
This is particularly relevant if there are older kids in the picture. The older the kids, the more challenging it gets, especially with teenagers. Also, they may have an immensely popular dad and you may just find yourself swimming against the current, and having to prove yourself all the time.
5. Trust issues
Since your date may have had a potentially bitter break-up, she may have serious trust issues. Don’t take it personally if you find yourself in a situation where your intentions are questioned more often than you’d like. Just be patient and give her time.
Quotes on dating a woman with kids
On difficult days read on and find solace in the following quotes about dating a single mom.
“Remember when dating a single mum; her time is valuable. You are taking away time from her child. Be sure to make it worth it”.
“The most difficult part of dating as a single parent is deciding how much risk your own child’s heart is worth”. – Dan Pearce
“Dating a single mum does not mean that you will be playing daddy. It just means that you will become part of a family and a role model for the child/children. If you’re not ready to step up then don’t step to her”.
Just as everything in life, dating a single mum does have its advantages and disadvantages. What can’t be disputed however, is as the relationship involves kids, it isn't something to be trifled with.
So weigh the pros and cons before you decide to get involved with a single mom. Anything else, will only lead to heartbreak.