Reasons why I Hate My Husband
Marriage is painted to us a picture of a perfect partnership between two individuals who love each other and treat each other as equals. Together, you and your loved one would build a home and a family, full of love and warmth. But then, reality can really give you a big old smack - a harsh wake-up call when you find that your prince charming is very much flawed and problematic.
Sometimes, you cannot help but hate your husband.
Deciding to enter into the commitment of marriage is difficult. Even more challenging is keeping your marriage alive. There are many problems that could exist for a married couple, however, having a husband that is inconsiderate, mean, abusive, or simply uncaring is definitely one of the hardest ones to manage.
You love your husband and you can still see in him the man that you married. Although, there are certainly times when you can feel intense hatred for him - the words he says, the things he does or does not do. Here is a list of reasons that might put you on edge when it comes to your husband.
I Hate My Husband When He Drinks
He has drinking problems.
At first, he goes out drinking with his friends every Friday evening. He insists on a boys' night out to hang out with his best friends and reinvigorate himself. But then, it was not limited to Friday nights anymore - every stressful work-day, every disagreement with his boss or even the occasional quarrels with you has become his excuse to drink.
To make matters worse, it was not just the frequency anymore but the quantity that is becoming a problem. He could now finish a whole bottle of liquor by himself. To you, when he drinks he becomes a totally new person and it's as if the negative side of him gets magnified by the alcohol.
He spends too much money at the bar.
To make matters worse, it is not only your marriage that is affected by his drinking problems. The more practical aspect of your relationship is also becoming a challenge. Managing your finances gets more and more difficult because you have to take into account the money he spends when he is out with friends and drinking the night away in expensive bars.
Since he also drinks on non-Friday nights, there is the expense of his everyday alcohol purchases as well. It is not enough that you have to pay rent, your children's tuition fees, and daily groceries. Now, you need to set aside money for his vice, otherwise, you will have to face the angry and violent persona that takes over your husband.
It can lead to domestic abuse.
You have not only become a victim of financial difficulties because of the additional expense. The alcohol brings out the devil inside of him - making him irritable, angry and violent. He lashes out at you and you may have let him hit you to get it over with or to shield your children from his wrath.
Your husband's dependence on alcohol may or may not have reached the level of domestic violence but you have to admit that his love for liquor is ruining your marriage. It is understandable for you, who have experienced the worst effects of an alcoholic man, to harbor hatred for your husband. After all, he is supposed to be the love of your life and your partner for better and for worse and yet, he is enslaved by his vice.
I Hate My Husband After Baby
He does not do his share in caring for the baby.
You have just given birth and after several weeks of maternity leave, you have to go back to your full-time job. After work, you have to get home, do the household chores, cook dinner and take care of the baby. When you confront your husband, he tells you that it is only right for you as the wife to have to take care of all household responsibilities since you are the expected homemaker.
Even if your husband did not reply to you or treat you in a sexist way as mentioned above, he might just have made an excuse and told you that he was just too tired from work. He was too exhausted to get up in the middle of the night to care for your baby so you would have to be the one to do it.
He is too carefree with your baby.
Another reason for you to hate your husband after the baby has come is when you see him acting like an irresponsible father. You might be an overprotective mother who is so in love with her child, and perhaps might be a little sensitive on how your husband plays with your baby.
You might also blame him for not doing his part well and relying on you to fix his work. He might even readily volunteer just for fun and easy tasks but not for the messy and challenging ones like changing your child's diaper and getting your baby to fall asleep.
He does not find you sexy anymore.
How your husband sees you or treats you after you have given birth to your child might lead to you hating your husband. You might notice that he does not look or care for you as he did before the pregnancy. You might observe as well how he is much colder now since you do not have sex quite as often as before.
You may find yourself thinking: "Am I not sexy anymore?" or "Have I lost my beautiful or attractive qualities?" These kinds of thoughts may lead you to feel depressed and conscious about your body image. You might begin to feel negatively for your husband because of the way he makes you feel unwanted and unloved.
I Hate My Husband For His Affair
He kept his affair secret from you.
Have you experienced the following with your husband: he has been acting very secretive with a lot of late nights and overtime, he has not been showering with the same time and affection as before and his clothes always have the lingering smell of a woman’s perfume? Your husband may have been having an affair.
Maybe you have tried to talk to him and confront him about it. But all you got from him is an outright denial even though deep in your heart you probably know that he is lying. You then spend all your time obsessing about it that you slowly lose all faith and affection towards your husband.
Your husband's infidelity can deeply hurt you.
Aside from the loss of love and trust in your relationship, you might feel the pain of betrayal. You start thinking negative thoughts and second-guessing yourself: "How could he have done something like this?" or "Was I not enough for him?" Then, the anguish of infidelity fades and is replaced by deep hatred.
You contemplate how despicable his actions were and how selfish was he to have wanted to hurt you and your family by being with someone else. You also begin to wonder how his affair began and how he could have stomached all the lies, secrets and stolen nights with his lover.
You wonder if you can ever trust him again.
After your husband's betrayal, you might be thinking about how you could ever trust him again. Did he admit to his infidelity or did he continue keeping it from you? When he realized that you found out and he has hurt you deeply, did he ever offer you a sincere apology?
After all that he had done, you may start thinking about a divorce - that this was the final straw. It seems like your hatred for your husband will never cease and you can never find it in your heart to love him again. The road ahead seems dark with the thought of leaving the man that you promised to cherish and hold forever.
Help: What do I do to make this marriage better?
Despite all the pain, sadness and hatred that your husband has caused you because of his words and his actions, you may still desire to keep your marriage alive. You want to work through your challenges and difficulties so that you can still have that loving and happy family that you envisioned at the beginning of your marriage. It might be very hard to give up your anger and pride but you have to understand this is one of the things that you have to do start healing your marriage.
1. Learn to forgive
Forgiveness starts the healing of your marriage.
When you have read the heading of this point, you must have been outraged. You must be thinking of how impossible it is after all the pain, the anger and the hatred that you have been through. Why should you forgive your husband? Well, how do you expect to begin healing your marriage if there is nothing but negativity and judgment in your heart?
Your husband is a human being - nothing but flaws and imperfections. But when you chose to marry him, you willingly promised to love the entirety of who he is, defects and all. Do not fight fire with fire rather, choose a bucket of water to douse the flames of hatred. Shower your spouse with love and forgiveness instaed.
2. Review your expectations
What were your expectations for your husband?
When you were married, did you and your husband talk about each other's roles, responsibilities, and expectations? What did you want to achieve from your marriage and partnership? How did you plan to get there? Having expectations is all well and good as it guides you towards the direction that you wanted your relationship to go.
However, did you talk it over sincerely with your spouse or did you at least get his opinion or approval in these expectations? Were your aspirations of him realistic and achievable or were they simply what you wanted your husband to be? Know that you married an individual with his own personality, aspirations, and flaws and that during your wedding you promised to love him for better or for worse. It is important to remember that with time, priorities change, and people can change and grow for the better.
3. Identify the root of the problems
Get to the root of your problems.
Maybe at this moment, all you can see in your husband is the epitome of all that is bad in this world. As of the moment, all you can think about is his callousness, his lack of concern for his family and his drinking habits. But, have you ever thought about how these characteristics are just manifestations of a deeper emotional or psychological problem?
Perhaps he could not stop drinking because he was stressed at work and it was the only way he knew how to cope. Consider the possible reasons why he cheated on you. Even though no excuse could have justified it, try thinking about why he had to seek love and comfort from someone else. Make an effort to figure it out with your husband - you can even seek the help of a marriage counselor on how to address the root of your marital issues.
4. You have a part to play too
Think about yourself and your possible role in your marital problems.
As was mentioned at the very beginning, marriage is a partnership - it is a two-way street. It cannot work if there is only one of you who cares about fixing your problems and making your relationship work. You might argue that your husband has stopped caring anyway and that any effort that you make will be worthless.
That is not true because if your husband is weak and troubled with the problems mentioned above, then you can be the stronger one. Be the pillar of strength and devotion that your husband needs. If he sees your love and understanding and how much you are willing to do to save your marriage, then he might just turn away from the error of his ways and begin seeing the light.
5. Remember the good and the lovable
Think about the good qualities of your husband.
Even if he is a flawed human being and it seems that he gave you nothing but sadness and suffering. Remember how you could ever have chosen to marry him in the first place. I am sure that when you fell in love with him you saw how goodness and beauty in the kind of person that he was.
Why did you fall in love with him in the beginning? Is it because of his kindness, his generosity or his lasting patience with you? Do not let the darkness of his transgressions overcome the remaining goodness him.
It is worth it to work on your marriage.
You and your spouse are not alone in this since you have family and friends to support you. You could also take time to listen and learn from the advice and experiences of professionals such as marriage counselors and therapists. You could also listen to the stories of old, married couples who have remained in their loving relationships for decades.
Marriage does not end with the church bells with a happily ever after sign following your bridal car. We live in reality and with that comes the realization that you and your prince charming will experience challenges that would make you doubt the love that bound you in marriage. Even if it seems impossible, putting in every ounce of love and effort to making your marriage work will definitely be worth it.