The Right Time on When To Say 'I Love You' During Dating

We’ll get straight to the point, there’s no given benchmark duration of time to be spent together before saying “I love you” to someone. Once you guys pass that initial exciting stage of openly discovering each other, crafting and sending the perfect text messages with calculated breaks between replies, and getting to know an entirely new person – there comes a stage of physical intimacy. It naturally brings in feelings of lust and sexual attraction, which is quite easy to confuse with ‘love’. Make sure you’re ahead of that particular stage, to ensure your judgement isn’t clouded at all. The article answers this question in further detail later on, keep reading! 

We’re naturally wired to avoid and dodge the loopholes that could let in vulnerabilities into our lives. Saying 'I love you' could hurt us, as it opens the door for rejection, abrupt endings to a relationship, or simply an awkward exchange of emotions. But in an attempt to save ourselves from getting hurt, it’s possible to hurt oneself and his/her partner even more.  Rejection, pain, potentially scary situations are usually enough to convince us out of the simplest yet most intense urge to express what’s in your heart. The importance of saying the three magic words is ignored just because of these fears, which isn’t always worth it. 
 

Love, undoubtedly, is risky business – whether it’s for a partner, a sibling, a friend or a child. It’s risky as it’s always possible to lose them, facing rejection from them, or not being ‘enough’ for them. “I love you” may be three words, but it incorporates three promises that are all high in commitment, i.e. “I love you; I accept you as you are, I’m willing to help you in any way I can”, which certainly makes it a life changing factor for both you and your significant other. It’s not a joke, you surely have to mean it if you’re saying it.  
 

There’s no need to be scared to express it if you know it though, it’s a gift you’ll be giving to the both of you; yourself and the recipient. Through it, you claim your clear will and right to live together in mutual sharing of sorrow and happiness; there’s an unmatched beauty to achieving something like that in this world filled with chaos. We’re social creatures by nature, and we’re placed here to love and be loved – it's okay to embrace that with the person you trust and believe in.  

The answer to “when” is simple, and quite unsatisfying; whenever you feel it. I mean, when you "feel it” in the true meaning of the phrase. It really boils down to whether or not you genuinely enjoy the time of the day you spend with your significant other.  You could just be sitting down together, doing something as simple as watching TV in your place, you’ll look over them and just feel that reaffirming feeling of joy when you literally know that you’re in love with them. It may sound cheesy, but it really does come from the heart, and you’ll know it when you feel it, trust your gut on this one, just like they say in the movies.  

Now that you know the basic, philosophical grounds to consider before saying I love you, it’s time to talk about some straightforward principles for girls to follow. Dating experts will tell you these things, describing it as a general rule of thumb. They’re quite sensible, and you honestly should follow them all as they’re simple and ensure that you don’t mess things up with those three words. Check the following boxes before you consider saying “I love you” to your boyfriend in a relationship; 
 

• Wait for at least the first five dates.  

• You should almost never say it within the first 2 months.  

• Make sure you’re totally bursting with ‘love’. 

• Don’t say it during, before or after having sex with him. 

• Never say it when you can’t think rationally, or are just emotional for some reason.  

• Don’t use it to reward him for something he did.  

• It’s the safest option to wait for him to say it first, and don’t say it back until you know him well.  
  
   

Five dates are usually enough to figure out the type of humor he possesses and enjoys, how much of a gentleman he is and the way he treats you. You’ll have five dates within 2 months quite comfortably, which is why it’s the minimum amount of time to wait before you mutter the words.  Wait till you’re absolutely bursting to tell him, just to ensure that you’re absolutely certain about it. Never just say it impulsively to him, you could be feeling a certain way due to hormonal factors too, it’s best to wait for some time until you’re filled with the feeling. 

If your guy says it to you first, while you may or may not be ready, don’t let his confession pressure you in any way. If he loves you, he wants the best for you, and that definitely can’t be to force you into an uncomfortable situation. Don’t blurt out the words back to him just because you’ve seen his sad face after your silence, that’ll be worse for him. Here’s how you should handle it! 
 

Give him a hug, assure him that you definitely do care about him. Sending some physical loving gesture his way will let him know that you’re not totally weirded out by his confession. He’s at his most vulnerable state right after saying it to you, make sure you clarify to him that you care. No matter if you’re ready or not, it’s a good thing if he’s in love with you and expressed it bravely, he shouldn’t feel embarrassed for it!  
 

Now that you’ve made the situation a whole lot more comfortable and friendly, it’s time to be absolutely honest with him.  Lying is off the charts because even if you’re just trying to take care of his feelings, you’ll end up hurting him through a lie in the long-term. If you’re not ready, he’ll respect it if you let him know that politely – he'll probably know if you try to fake it with a confession which you don’t mean so there’s no point in trying that anyway.  

Be compassionate, think about how you’d like to be treated if you were in his position, it’s a scary state to be in. Accommodate him even if he doesn’t handle the situation well, he’s super nervous and understandably so! The best-case scenario is, you’d been waiting to tell him that you love him and he has said it to you first, just let him know you’ve been feeling the same way and you love him too, and that’ll be one of the best moments in both of your lives.  

There are absolutely no restrictions on any gender on saying it first, it’s totally fine and normal for any one of the two to express their feelings first. Sure, there may be some social norms and biases leaning towards men saying “I love you” first, but in this day and age it’s totally normal for a woman to take on that challenge.  
 

It’s obviously safer to wait for the other party to say it first, as this way, the chances of facing an awkward one-sided love encounter are zero. But, if you’re absolutely sure about being in love with your special someone, then waiting too long could have negative consequences. Truly being and expressing yourself is a whole lot better than having major regrets later on, remember that.   

Falling in love isn’t a feeling that all people are lucky enough to experience, you need to realize that it’s a blessing to find yourself slowly getting to love someone more and more every time you meet them. It’s a positive thing, and it should be treated that way! It’s an exciting stage of your life, embrace the opportunity. If you know it in your heart that you’re in love, there’s absolutely no reason to be afraid of confessing it.