5 Important Stages Of Relationships That Couples Go Through

If you ask couples why, how, with whom and how long it takes for you to fall in love, the answer will vary from 5 seconds to minutes, days, months and years. We can all agree that there’s no specific timeline in regards to how love unfolds. However, before blossoming into a blissful lifetime partnership, most healthy relationships go through a series of common events which could be considered stages. 

Mark Knapp, Professor Emeritus at the University of Texas at Austin, renown for his research on communication in developing relationships, came up with one of the best models for relational and interpersonal development between two people in 5 stages.

Gaining a better understanding of the stages your relationship passes through as it develops, and even ends, can help you navigate all these stages with self-awareness and empower you to take action to protect, repair, or if necessary detach from your relationship. So, let’s dive right in.

This is the very beginning when you’re still getting to know someone. At this stage, you’re attracted to the person’s looks, the way they dress and carry themselves. Everything seems perfect, it’s like a honeymoon and a fantasy, everyone is showing their best self. Although the first impressions at this stage may not be accurate, they influence the direction of the relationship. Both of you try to dig a bit deeper to find common interests and values you might have.

This stage is usually a fun and exciting time as you discover more about one another and fall in love. You both focus on seeing the good in each other, ignoring flaws, avoiding conflict, you spend a lot of time together and can’t stand being apart. It’s like a drug, you’re so addicted to your partner. This first phase can last anywhere from a few months to about 2 years

At this point, your brain has stopped producing those delicious love chemicals. It either creeps in gradually as you begin to notice your partner's flaws and all your differences or you wake up one morning with a “Love Hangover”, asking yourself how did I get here?

This stage often hits you with the reality of how you both are incompatible, you notice your partner’s flaws or behaviors you just don't like. Your partner doesn't seem as great as he or she was in stage one. You wonder if you are still in love, the relationship doesn't seem like the fantasy it once was and this is where most relationships come to an end because one person or both of you decide it was a mistake. (sounds familiar?)
But if you can accept each other's flaws, you can progress to the next stage. 

Here, the reality that began in stage two starts to feel like a disappointment. You begin to question whether you made the right choice of staying together. You are angry at each other and argue all the time. Some of the anger can be over trivial things such as small differences between you. On average couples at this stage spend about a year working out their differences in an effort to get to a place of stability.

If you're able to communicate in healthy ways and commit to working together, you’ll see positive progress, and you're likely to move to the next phase. But without strong communication, trust, and the ability to work as a team, couples are unlikely to get past this stage. Sometimes if you’re already married by this stage you can get stuck here for years.

This stage is a kind of rest from the unstable waters of disappointment in stage three, now the couple has a history together. They’ve overcome and weathered a storm, they know they are able to work out their differences without killing each other, so to speak.

In the Stability stage, you’ve accepted the fact that you’re never ever going to succeed in changing your partner and you’ve given up trying to. You’re OK with your partner being different from you. It has become clear that you have differences and you sometimes fight, but you love each other, and trust that you can work through any future conflicts. You both have set clear boundaries and have learned mutual respect. If you haven’t by now, then the hurtful patterns of your Power Struggle will keep repeating itself.

Couples sometimes, get bored at this stage, they feel the chase is over, they miss the feelings in stage 1 and may go looking for that kind of excitement with someone else, causing separation. But if you succeed through this stage, which can be done by spicing up your relationship and finding new ways to keep the spark alive, you progress into the final stage. 

The commitment stage has nothing to do with getting married, here, you fully surrender to the reality that you and your partner are human and that your relationship has shortcomings. At this stage, couples have a good understanding of their partner’s values, lifestyle, and goals for the future.You are fully integrated into each others family, you’re having open and honest conversations about kids, finances, lifestyles, careers and everything else.

You know how to handle your differences, you’ve progressed through all the other stages and are now a team. It is a stage of mature and sustainable love that can last forever because you have chosen to be with your partner, flaws and all. You no longer miss the romance stage and you have a vision for your future together as a couple. 

Congratulations! if you’ve made it up to this stage, very few couples do.

The Romance Stage begins when we fall in love with someone. It is love at its most immature form, a kind of infatuation, everything about your partner is seen through tinted rose glasses. It can last anywhere from 3 months up to 2 years and then it usually ends as quickly as it began.

The highest percentage of first marriage divorces happen here at this stage, it’s such a painful time for most couples as the illusion that ‘romantic love will last forever’ dies and is replaced by feelings of disappointment.

This usually happens around the 3-year to 4-year mark of your relationship or marriage and it can last anywhere from a few months to years, depending on how it is handled. Some couples can even remain here for the next 50 years in disappointment, regret, sadness and lack of sex life.

A stage of relative peace and stability, with a deeper and more mature form of love than with the romance stage.
The timeline for this stage is anywhere from 2 years to forever. If you get too comfortable here, you can stagnate, become bored and never grow to a higher plane in your relationship. You accept everything as it is and you’re happy without being blissful.

Here you begin to experience a beautiful balance of love, sharing, fun, and togetherness. The trap in this stage is thinking that all your work is done, but the truth is your work as a couple is just beginning.

When you get to this stage it will last for the rest of your lives, your relationship has evolved beyond your kids, family, and boundaries. You experience complete bliss and you and your partner could do anything together in total sync. You could collaborate in a business, charity, artwork, and whatever tickles your fancy. You’re now truly ‘’ONE’’ 

These five relationship stages are practically impossible to avoid, the only way you don’t experience one of them is by giving up and failing in the previous stage. The good news is, you have to deal with then one at a time so that you retain the lessons from the previous stage and bring them forward unto the next. 
And as long as you do you not learn from them, they’ll keep coming back until you do. You’ll get stuck in the same place for as long as it takes for you to figure it out. 

So, the sooner you accept your partner’s flaws and appreciate how they’re different from you, learn to resolve conflict, build a reliable and trustworthy emotional connection with your partner, the better.
What better way to begin than knowing the five stages in a relationship, how they play out over time and how they can help you understand your feelings, your partner and your relationship?