How To Stop Liking A Guy You Can't Have

Alright ladies (and everyone), get in formation. If anyone is the queen of liking guys I can’t have, it’s me. If they don’t have a girlfriend, they live 4,352 miles away, and if they’re neither of those, I probably work with them. Usually it’s at least two out of three, because why not just fall for an unattainable person? I even wrote a song about it.

And while having a work crush, a European fling, or a fake boyfriend can be fun, it can also be deeply painful. Whether it’s love or a just a little crush, having feelings for someone can hurt. I am not here to say that you'll never get the guy, but I am here to say nicely, when it starts to hurt more than it feels good, it’s time to stop liking this person.

I believe that there are two sides to figuring out how to stop liking a guy you can’t have. On one side, you need to do some internal work… accept your feelings and change your perspective. This is all about you, and no one can think these thoughts for you, so let’s get down to the nitty gritty.

It’s fun to like someone, until it’s not. And when it stops being fun is when you need to check yourself, check your emotions, and ask yourself, “Is this crush making me more sad than happy?” If so, good for you for recognizing that! Allow yourself to be sad. Killing the hope of unrequited love is akin to some sort of loss, so it’s okay to be sad. Cry and eat chocolate ice cream with your girl friends. They'll be sure to nicely help you get over it. It’s okay to be sad, and people don’t tell us ladies that enough.

And now that you recognize your feelings are making you feel this way, you can decide to stop liking him. You probably wouldn’t be reading this article if you weren’t already on your way to making that decision, so good for you! Whether something happened with him, like he got engaged, or he moved away, or maybe he told you he’s not interested, this is the first step to moving on so it's best you make the decision that you want to stop liking him. In the same way an addict to any substance needs to accept they are an addict in order to overcome their addiction, that is liking someone can be as well. Accepting that you can’t have the guy you like and that it’s time to move on won’t be easy, so treating it as an addiction and recognizing that will help give you the mindset you need to get over him.

In reality, he has a girlfriend or maybe even a wife. Or maybe, he lives far away and neither of you have plans to move anytime soon. Whether he’s the most popular guy in school or a 2-day European fling, we tend to idealize people in our heads. And it starts from something small, like the fact that he tells you he really likes a song that you’re listening to. Now he’s planted this seed in your head that you grow into a tree of things about him. You build him into an unrealistic person, he has the same taste in music as you, and maybe he loves 'Zolof the Rock & Roll Destroyer' just as much as you do. You imagine them having a reunion tour and going with him and he knows all the words. You even dance together and have the best night of your lives, except in reality, this is all in your head. He's probably never even heard 'Plays Pretty for Baby,' anyway so maybe it's time to cut your losses and move on. So take a step back and recognize that the guy you're liking is probably just an idea of the guy you're liking. He might like the one song that you were listening to, but he might also hate your favorite TV show, so it turns out you don’t have the same tastes in everything. It’s always easier to date the idea of someone because it becomes your perfect relationship. That’s one of the reasons having a crush is so much fun. When the reality of who they are and what dating them would actually be like starts to hit, it will hurt a lot less if you except that the idea of the him you created in your mind. He certainly isn’t who he is in the real world.

These are the common things our friends say when a guy doesn’t like us back: “He doesn’t deserve you anyway.” “You’re too good for him.” “He sucks.” “I hate him and you should too because he’s the worst.” “He’s a butthead.”

And while those all may be true, turning your feelings into anger is not the best way to move on. In that case, you’re just transfering your positive obsession into a negative one. It’s true that, “there’s a fine line between love and hate.” It may feel easiest to just turn your love/like into hate/dislike, but doing this will only exacerbate your feelings and make them more volatile. Instead, by accepting your feelings and the reality of the situation, you can eventually allow your feelings to fade over time and diminish into a more apathetic point of view.

If you have a strong enough crush on this guy to research how to stop liking him, it will probably take time. You will not get over him at the end of this article. Probably not by the end of the day, possibly not by the end of the week, month, or even fully by the end of the year. When the guy who I consider my “first love” and I broke up, it took a couple months to just get over him enough to do things and be happy with my life. And once I did that, there were still moments in the next year I would fall back into a state of sadness over him. Eventually I did fully move on though, and now, almost eight years later, we’re on good terms as friendly acquaintances, but I see how our lives went in completely different directions. I see the reality of the situation and that we would not have been good for each other moving forward, and we weren’t great for each other when we were together. This not only taught me that to stop liking a guy, it sometimes can take a lot of time, but also that if I ever do fall for someone again, I can get over him. Draw on your past experiences, and give yourself the time to move forward.

While changing your perspective is essential to stop liking the guy who stole your heart, there are many things you can do to take your mind off him and speed the process along.

CUT THE CORDS, CUT ALL TIES. It may seem hard, but it will help so much, I don’t even have words. Every picture you see of him is a reminder of him and what you’ve imagined your lives together to be like. Every post he shares contributes to your idea of who he is. (sidenote: social media is a person’s chosen image, not who they really are, so even when he looks like he’s having the best time on Instagram, he might not be.) Regardless, the more you follow his social media, watch his stories, etc., the harder it will be to stop liking the guy.

For example, I dated a guy my senior year of college, and when we cut ties in May, I would look at his Facebook page every single day. He started posting pics within a month with another girl. The first time I saw it, I got physically sick to my stomach. That’s when I knew I had to stop looking at his social media and cut ties. It was really hard, though, so I used to call my friend and ask her what was on his page, at least within the first couple months. However, pretty quickly, I was able to stop liking him by not looking at his page anymore, and by the end of the summer, I was fully ready to move on to a new guy!

It’s okay to be sad and it’s also okay to distract yourself from your sadness to move past it. Whenever I go through break-ups, I have three movies that I watch: 'Monsters vs. Aliens,' 'Coraline,' or any of the Harry Potters. Oh, and I’ve recently added 'Thor: Ragnarok,' to my watchlist. Listen to music, go on walks, listen to a podcast. One of my favorite weird podcasts to listen to is 'Hello' from the 'Magic Tavern.'

Watch a TV show in which the characters feel like old friends. Although their advice isn’t always the best... (see below)

You know how that one song would come on by the same artist who sang the song you listened to after you first met the guy you have a crush on, and then you tell your friend about that song? It was cute for a minute, but aside from your friend probably not wanting to hear it, the more you talk about him, the more you think about him, and the more you’ll think about his perfect eyes and the way he… ah, I’m dozing off into dreamland again. See? Don’t talk about the guy!

This is your chance to start a new routine! Get into something full force. Take a Sketch writing class and go to Sketch shows every night to work on your craft. Do a 30-day yoga challenge. Learn to cross-stitch. Find an incredible book and read it, digest it, dissect it. It’s not always healthy to just replace one obsession with another, but finding a healthy obsession to nicely force the negative one out can definitely help.

To stop liking the same guy, it’ll be helpful to get into a new routine. Find new people and do new things. Open up your bubble and talk to people around you. Go to a new coffee shop and talk to the barista. If you go to the gym, start talking to people if they’re up for it, why not?

Making friends outside of your regular circle will give you new things to do and think about, not only to take your mind off this guy, but also to give yourself new adventures!

Ok you’ve done you, you’ve met new friends, now you can meet new guys! Online dating, or just out and about, get your flirt on! Try not to meet guys just to take your mind off your crush, because then all you’ll do is compare, and maybe feel worse in the morning. Really wait until you’re ready and open-hearted.

It’s not so easy, it takes time, but you can definitely stop liking him. He might be great, he might not be, but it looks like it’s time to stop those feelings short, and start liking yourself more. And if he’s still fun to keep liking, well that’s fine then. But when it starts to hurt again, think of yourself first, stop liking him, and love yourself - stop allowing yourself to feel bad, because you can stop liking him, and you can feel great.

(also, special shoutout to @CartoonsByHilary for helping me stop liking all these dumb boys) For more articles on how to stop liking someone, read below: